Communion Sunday

It is our last day of Spring Break and I am not ready to face the real world yet. But I did want to quickly write about an amazing feeling I had this morning in church. Today was Communion Sunday. Normally our church does a more individual style communion service with tables at the edges, with a cup of grape juice and pieces of bread. The pastor says the usual words but then we walk to the tables sometime during the singing. There are kneeling pads and when it is your turn you get to take a piece of the bread, dip it into the grape juice and partake of communion. It is very intimate experience which I do enjoy.

But today for some reason, the full communion servers were set up at the front of the church. If you are not familiar, they are tall silver towers that separate out into trays that serve a row with little cups of grape juice in one and some sort of bread in the other. These are passed down the row from one person to the next. I am always a little nervous when handed the grape juice tray because I don't want to be the person who drops the tray, spilling grape juice and creating a scene as the tray clamors to the ground. This may be why our church usually uses the tables?

What surprised me today as I was sitting in my usual spot, among the usual people that I know only because we sit near one another in church, was how much joy it brought me to take communion together. To take the tray from the usher, to pass the tray to the girl a few seats away who is sitting with her family that I greet many Sundays but know nothing else about. To see my friends behind me all passing the silver trays as I turned to return to my seat. To see us together as one body sharing in Lord's Supper.

My faith is very personal and intimate. I think as a church we have moved away from community faith to a very personal faith. For those who believe and participate, this personal faith is very real. But we seem to have lost a sense of our community faith, our faith which binds us together because we are a family, a family made up of God's children. A very real family. And seeing us together today, taking part together in a sacrament that started with Jesus at the last supper with his disciples, brought me such great joy. I felt it so deeply and so fully it was almost overwhelming. What an amazing way to spend Palm Sunday!

Spring Break

I forgot to post that I was going on vacation with my family for the week. We are enjoying our Sunriver cabin and days on the mountain. Well most of us are. There is a story or two in there but I am typing on my phone so it will have to wait. See this is why I need the new iPad. I had thought I would have time to post on my laptop but when my kids have comandeered it during our little computer time window. I do have to say that I get stage mothers now. I am having so much fun watching my kids. Also blog karma is only funny when it happens to someone else.

It's Hard Work

Middle Man decided he wanted to play hockey like his big brother Hockey Boy. He is not that interested in the NHL yet, but after watching the Olympics he is determined to be a Team USA Hockey Player. He is determined until it comes time to skate. At first he was really enthusiastic about putting on his skates and heading to the ice. Until it was time to actually walk on the ice. Middle Man was really scared of falling down. So scared that he is really cautious on the ice. So different from Little One who also started ice skating lessons last month. Little One just stepped right onto the ice and went for it, falling down often and then getting back up and going again. But Middle Man was so scared of falling down that he had trouble trying the things his teacher wanted him to do. He marched on the ice very tentatively the first few lessons, but slowly, ever so slowly, built up some speed. He never fell but he also got really frustrated with how hard it is to learn to skate. Last week he fell for the first time and was really upset at first laying on the ice for a bit. It was his first fall and I think he had to figure out that he really wasn't hurt. He had been so scared of falling up to that point that I think he really built it up in his head. It was holding him back from trying new things.

There have been many tears but he has stayed on the ice. As his coach said last week he just wants to be good now. It is frustrating to see others get it so easily or to see your big brother skating around the ice with ease and not be able to just walk onto the ice and go. Yesterday, I took him to a makeup lesson. He got ready for the rink without any problems, but when we got there, he said it did not want to skate. He did not want to play hockey anymore. I put on his skates and his helmet as he was saying this because I knew that while it was hard he really did need to persevere. He wants to play hockey, but he wants it to come to him easy. He does not realize how much work it has taken for Hockey Boy to get good. But ice skating, like life, takes hard work. It takes perseverance. It takes time. We have talked about it, but in the moment, Middle Man wants to take the easy path. He wants to not skate.

So yesterday I asked him if he still wanted to be on the Olympic hockey team and he said yes. And then he walked off toward the ice. He had an amazing class. He swizzled forward. He wiggled backward. He did hard things for the first time ever. He was actually skating and I heard him say, "I'm going so fast." He was so proud of himself! He had persevered. He is getting better each time. And someday he will be on Team USA!

How Much?

Lately I have been hit by the concept that God has a much bigger work planned for me than I realize or deem myself worthy. In Bible study I learned that God wants to take me SO far. In the book I am reading about prayer, "With Christ in the School of Prayer" by Andrew Murray, I recently read a chapter entitled "How Much More?" Murray takes this phrase from Jesus' teaching in Matthew 7:9 - 11 which says,

"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

How much more will God in heaven give to His children. Murray goes on to write about the Father relationship we are to have with God. That prayer is part of a relationship we have with our Heavenly Father. "The power of the promise, 'Ask, and it shall be given you,' lies in the loving relationship between us as children and the Father in heaven. This is a difficult characterization of God for my brain and more importantly my heart to grasp. Partly because I bring to this my experience of my earthly father, partly because I am tied up in the logic and teachings of this world, and wholly because I am sinful, depraved and rebellious. God as a loving Father, makes sense to me when I talk to other people. I fully believe and know deep down that Our Father loves His children with a deep and fierce love. But when it comes to my own relationship with the Father I don't feel it. I don't believe it. And I don't trust it. That is me. Not God. I want to protect against being wrong or hurt. I want to protect also against feeling disappointment when I disobey or choose the easy road. I don't want to let my Father down and I know I will. I will disappoint and sadden my Father. I don't know how to be loved, not in the way my Heavenly Father loves, with a love that is pure and holy.

So this is my prayer, the prayer of a little girl who wants to cry out Abba Father, who wants to know deep in my soul how much my Father loves me.

I love the prayer at the end of the chapter. In it Murray writes, "we know so little of the love of the Father. Lord! teach us so to live with the Father that His loves may be to us nearer, clearer, dearer, than the love of any earthly father." Later he writes, "Lord Jesus' it is fatherlike love that awakens childlike trust." My heart was pierced by this. This idea of how great is the love of my Father, a love I can trust. A love so big that only He can teach me to accept His love, to create a childlike trust in me that allows me to rest at peace in His hands.