Chronicles of Hope

As I am reading through the Bible with my small group, chronologically this time, we have come to the stories of David that are recorded in both Samuel and Chronicles. These books are normally separated by Kings in the Bible but in the chronological reading plan they are read together, story by story, with Psalms intermixed. It can at times be repetitious because Chronicles was written as a recounting of God's gracious care of His people beginning with Adam and Eve. It is often taken word for word from Samuel and Kings. So as we read of David's actions in Samuel, we read it again in Chronicles often on the same day.

Which got me wondering why God included in His Holy Scriptures a recounting of a story that is already included in the Old Testament. Why do they record these stories again? And then I saw Bob Goff's tweet, "Sometimes God lets us lose hope for a moment so we'll retrace our steps and remember every place we saw it last."

Chronicles was a remembering of all those times God had provided, all those times God had lead the way, all those times He had redeemed His people, again and again and again. Chronicles was an exercise in looking back at all those times of hope present in the lives of the Israelites.

I have found that I am often in need of a chronicle of God's work in my life. A reminder of God's provision and care when I am feeling stressed out by the unknown. A scavenger hunt of hope. So as I think about my list of gratitude, my one thousand gifts, as part of Ann Voskamp's Multitudes on Monday, I wanted to spend a day looking backward at those points in my life that I am ever so thankful for. Those points that shaped me and kept me close to the One who loves me so.

• My mom marrying my Dad and ending the cycle of abuse
• Mrs. Wybenga, my Sunday School teacher who showed me grace
• God's word before me, always available 
• Spring break college tour that introduced me to Biola
• Youth group, full of fun, intention and meaningful discussions
• Moments abroad that opened my world
• A holy place set apart for me to study, to become my own person, surrounded by people who loved the Lord and saw me as His child
• A sudden urge to spend a semester in Washington DC, where I met my beloved
• Overwhelming fatigue that forced me to change how I viewed myself
• Three boys that are teaching me how to be interconnected in a way that is uncomfortable for independent me
• An invitation to teach

A Few Clicks

Sunday morning, my husband took all three boys to hockey and then they were going to our "hockey" church, a church close to the rink that has service times that work with spring hockey. All three boys were going even though only two were playing hockey because they really love that church. So I had the house to myself. I grabbed my laptop to look something up for my husband and as I clicked through websites and blogs, I found myself seeing a book on someone's reading list that caught my eye. I love how that happens. I was not looking for this book. I was simply clicking along and there it was. But as soon as I saw it I knew it was meant for me.

I clicked over the Amazon and downloaded the free sample chapter to my kindle app. I was laying in bed reading and tears came to my eyes. I wiped them away and fresh tears came. I had needed these words, these words of encouragement. These words of affirmation. These words were a salve to a broken place in my heart.

I have been wondering what I am meant to do with my life. I know I am supposed to be a mother to my boys. But is there more? I am slowly figuring out where God has gifted me and what He has put on my heart. I think there must be a reason that He made me someone who LOVES to read and study and then read and study some more. Someone who cannot be anything but authentic. Someone who is not afraid to speak in public. Most people fear that more than death I hear. Someone who is relationship driven, someone who wants to be engaged in real, deep, growing conversation. I am finally figuring out that God made me the way He wants me to be. And that He might just have a purpose for all of those things that make me a little unique.

But I have not been able to mesh what I think I am meant to do with where I am. I have run into some hidden barriers that I did not realize were holding me back. This book shed some light into the dark places I did not realize were discouraging me. I have been trying to figure out how to do what I love in the world I am in, in a world that puts limits on what I can do. Limits that are not based on who I am, what I know, or how God has gifted me but instead simply on my gender, on the fact that I am a woman.  And that really hurts. Deep inside me it hurts.

I know I am a woman. I have given birth so I truly know that God made men and women different. I have no aspirations of taking over the world. No desire to tell people what to do. I just want to be true to who God made me. I am not sure of who that is but I am beginning to understand that being a woman is only part of it. It may describe me but it does not define me. I am first and foremost a child of God. My gender does not limit what God will do in my life.

There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. - Galatians 3:28

I still don't know what exactly I am going to be when I grow up. But I have some glimpses. And this book, the result of a few "random" clicks, encouraged me in a way I did not know I needed. A little affirmation, a little clarity of thought, a huge dose of "I am okay".

Am I Shallow?

So last Monday, I started keeping a list of gratitude, a list of a thousand things that bring me joy, little things in my day. It is part of Ann Voskamp's Multitude of Mondays. You should definitely visit her website if you haven't yet. Her book "One Thousand Gifts" has been a great reminder that I need to spend my time being thankful for what God has given me, the life He has prepared for me, instead of looking at the world and people around me wondering why me or why them.

This week, as I started composing my list in my mind, I was struck by how dissonant my list looks on paper.

• Women coming together to study God's word
• The first sip of Starbucks
• Watching Little One celebrate a goal
• Dropping Little One off at school
• A new episode of Bethenny Ever After on my DVR
• prayer requests shared
• lying in bed with a good book
• a good laugh with friends 
• clean sheets
• warm laundry
• date night starting with an adult creamsicle drink
• lunch with the Gilmore Girls

When I read my list, I am not sure this is what Ann had in mind. I have peeked through some of the lists other's have shared. Their lists look so peaceful. Full of nature and love. God and family. I often catch myself editing my list in my head before I even write it down. 

Is this worthy of the list? 

Is my list holy enough? 

Am I shallow?

I know I am not a shallow person by nature. But I have shallow moments. 

I also know that I am not a holy person. But I have holy moments. 

And I am thankful for both. 

Do Christians Need Church?

Another interesting topic came up at the girls weekend away I went on last week. The house was full of Christian women that overlapped one another from various parts of the homeowners life. Many were from her days at a church across town where they were all young adults together, figuring out careers, finding husbands and eventually going their separate ways as jobs and moves pulled them away. So these are not new Christians, these women have been going to church for decades. But at one point in the weekend I found myself in a conversation about whether we really need church.

Not God. That was never in question. These women love the Lord. But after decades of being in church, they were wondering if it mattered if they went. I so get that. There are Sundays when I would rather sleep in or do my own thing. There are Sundays when we have to attend two different services or even two different churches because of hockey times. Church can be so inconvenient sometimes. Not to mention the junk that can come with church. Seeing the person who hurt you last week with her mean comments. Being accosted by the child care workers to volunteer in the 2s room. Trying to find a seat and having to keep going toward the front because that is where all the empty seats are. And those are the hurdles once you are in the building.

What about those people who have been hurt by the inappropriate actions of pastors or staff people. The believers who have tried to find a church that felt comfortable but keep getting stuck with people who don't understand their decision to not have kids, or if they have kids, they decide to homeschool or even worse, send their kids to public school. What about the people who want to believe in Jesus but cannot get past the visions of the church that see on tv.

So do Christians Need church? Do we actually have to show up on a Sunday morning or can we worship at home? Can we listen to sermons online and be covered for the week? Do we really need to be engaged and connected to a church community?

I don't know. Sometimes I think I am a better christian apart from the church. Not apart from God but apart from the church. Sometimes I find church to be a distraction from God. But that is not because church and corporate worship are the problem. That is because either myself or the community I am in are having a problem.

Last fall our women's Bible study read RC Sproul's book "5 Things Every Christian Needs to Grow." In this book Sproul makes the argument that worship, corporate worship at church is important and essential to our growth as believers. He writes,

"He (God) absolutely requires human beings to honor, glorify, and worship Him in the way He commands, not according to the ways we prefer." 

Hebrews 10:19 - 25 says,

Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.  Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

Let us encourage one another.

Let us spur one another on toward love and good deeds.

Let us not give up meeting together.

Church can be hard. Whenever people are involved things can get hard. We are sinful people and we make mistakes and bring our own agendas to the building. But there is still something magical that happens at church when we show up ready to be with God in His house with His people. There really is. But we have to show up.

Sproul writes,

We benefit from the encouragement we get form being with friends who are also on a spiritual pilgrimage, people who know us, love us, and are praying for us. We, too, too have the responsibility to encourage our fellow believers. Faithful attendance at worship is one way in which we can encourage one another.

I show up at church to worship God. I show up at church to hear Biblical teaching. I show up at church to be among God's children. I don't show up to be entertained. I don't show up to "get" something. I show up because God is deserving of honor and praise. And I show up because I am part of community of believers.

I owe both my presence.