The Younger Son

I have all these great books on prayer I want to read, but then I joined a group of girlfriends in reading the whole Bible in 2010. Which is something I have been wanting to do for a while but really does take some discipline because when I get lazy and skip a day or two, the catch up reading can take quite a bit of time. Today we finish Genesis which has been a fascinating read. I am also doing a new Bible study at church on the life of David. I am finding some great nuggets of truth but the reason I love reading the whole Bible is that I get a sense of the WHOLE story. Today as I did both my Bible study reading on David's anointing by Samuel and also the story of Jacob's blessing of Joseph's sons is how God so often chose the younger son over his older brothers. For Seth, Adam's third son, that was necessity after Cain his first born kills his brother Abel. It is Seth's name that is registered in the genealogy from Adam to Noah in Genesis 5:3. Later in Genesis 27 we read the story of Jacob and Rebekah deceiving Isaac to get the father's blessing for Jacob the younger. I am not sure why they felt the need to deceive because in Genesis 25:23 it says,

The Lord said to her,
"Two nations are in your womb,
and two peoples within you will be separated;
one people will be stronger than the other,
and the older will serve the younger."

Again and again we will see the younger brother being chosen over the older brother. Joseph and the coat of many colors, his brothers resented so much that they sold him into slavery and told his father Jacob he had been killed. Later when they are reunited in Egypt and Jacob is on his death bed blessed Joseph's two oldest sons Manasseh and Ephraim, in that blessing he intentionally placed the second born Ephraim ahead of the first born. In I Samuel 16 we see the Lord telling Samuel to go down to Jesse's family and to anoint the one the Lord chooses. The seven oldest sons are brought before him but none of them is the chosen one. It is not until David, a younger brother is brought from the fields where he was tending sheep, that Samuel hears the Lord say, "Rise and anoint him, he is the one."

I have heard all these storied separately. All the stories of younger brothers chosen by God or preferred by their father. The jealousy they feel, the resentment that is very real as they are overlooked in a time when being first born was tantamount to all. I don't know why God went against the cultural norms so often. Why he chose the least among them at times. I do know that when God calls the unexpected, the weak, the faltering, to greatness, the fruit of their work can only be attributed to God. 2 Corinthians 12:9 "But he (the Lord) said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'" We may not be the most worthy of God's calling, but we don't need to be. Because God's power is so much greater than our weakness.

The other thing I find fascinating about these stories is the forgiveness that the victims have for their brothers. Esau was so angry at Jacob when he found out that Jacob had deceived their father and stolen his blessing. Jacob had to flee from Esau's anger. But later we find them reunited together, with Esau having forgiven Jacob. Joseph weeps when he sees his brothers for the first time in Egypt where Joseph has been put in charge of the grain distribution. And in the end of Genesis when his brothers ask for his forgiveness after the death of their father Jacob, Joseph answers them,

Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don't be afraid. I will provide for you and your children." Genesis 50:19 - 21

Reading these stories as a whole, having the two, my one year Bible reading and my separate Bible study, layering together, shows me more of God's story of redemption. It started not on the cross with an unexpected man, experiencing unfair pain, to forgive an undeserving people. It started at the beginning. And over and over again throughout the Bible I see stories pointing to the redeeming work of Jesus.

Problem Solving

You know how women supposedly complain that all men want to do is solve their problems. That their men don't listen to them. That they just want to be heard and validated. That if men just listened to us all would be right in the world. Funny thing is that we women do that too. We problem solve. And often we problem solve using our own experiences that may have nothing to do with the other person's actual problem. And we are adamant and often emotional in our "helpful" advice.

I had been processing the idea of trying to control my situation instead of letting God control my situation a few weeks ago after something stuck out to me in a Bible Study I was doing. Immediately I realized that I keep trying to control my husband's behavior, attitude and priorities. We have been having the same fight for the last thirteen years. I think he works too much and he thinks I don't understand that he really does need to work the long hours. Most likely we are both right at different times. It is not a huge fight. Our marriage is not in trouble. But it is something I want to control. I want my husband to agree with me and get home earlier. I could go on and on about how I think my husband is not stepping up to the plate or prioritizing his family, except I really can't. Because truthfully I only know how God is working in my life. I know how I act out my priorities but my husband may share the exact same priorities and act them out differently, and probably in a way that to me looks like he does not even care about our priorities. But I know that my husband does seek to do God's will in his life. I know that my husband is a man of strong convictions.

I say all this because recently I was with a group of women a question came up about areas of our lives where we need God. I said my marriage. I did not go in to a lot of detail at all because the question was not how does your marriage suck. Which mine doesn't. But apparently to some of these women my simply saying I need God in my marriage because I am learning that I cannot control my husband which makes me realize I have to rely on God, means that my marriage must be on the rocks. Because the next few comments were directed at me with some really basic marriage advice along the lines of making sure you are listening, repeat what the person is saying, really basic communication techniques. And I got really frustrated. Because they were giving me advice that had absolutely nothing to do with what I was saying. They were trying to solve a problem. A problem that does not exist. Because they took what I said, put it through their filter, came to a conclusion and offered advice that worked for them. They were well intentioned. Their advice would be good advice for the right situation. But I walked away annoyed. Because I was not heard.

And the really painful part of this whole lesson is that I am sure I am the biggest offender. As my pastor always says, "I am the problem". I love to dispense advice. I often think that I can solve my friends' problems and it is not until they have gone on their way that I realize that I did not even really listen to them. I often want to call my friends up about five minutes after they leave and apologize for giving them solutions instead of listening to their hearts. I don't of course. Because I am not the bigger person.

So while I sat there all annoyed at women who were probably earnestly trying to help I really should have been listening. Not necessarily to what they said but to what I needed to hear from my friend. So that next time I can do that for another friend when they share their heartfelt need for God.

On a totally God note, I ended up reading Matthew 23 tonight with my boys because that is where we our in our journey to read the New Testament this year. I actually paused from writing this to read it to the boys since my husband is on a trip this week. Funny enough it was all about the evils of hypocrisy. "Woe to you teachers of the law and Pharisees. You hypocrites!"

Do Over

Today I really wanted a do over. Nothing tragic or traumatic happened but I am tired. Because I stayed up way too late. Because my husband is traveling. Which means I am a single mom this week. Which means I can't afford to be tired. But do I make the mature decision and go to bed at a decent time? Nope. Because like I said, my husband is traveling. And I have a hard time going to sleep when he is gone. No matter how tired I am. Vicious cycle it seems. Which all results in me being less patient in meetings when people want to replan what we have already planned. It results in me not being able to effectively do my part and others having to come in and help me. It makes me emotional and sad and feeling alone. Which really is sad considering what a great life I really do have. What fun and amazing friends I get to spend time with each week. My kids are at great ages and really fun, when they are not screaming or totally ignoring me. But overall I have a great life. But today I just wanted a do over. I felt bad about letting my frustration get the better of me. I felt bad about not doing a good job, not caring for my charges better. I felt bad for no reason at times. And I hate that. I hate it when I let myself get all emotional about nothing. And that is what happens when I get tired. So I would like a do over. Not of the day, but of the night before the day. When I should have turned off the computer, stopped watching the tv show, not started trying to figure out circular knitting, and definitely not started a book at 10:45pm. I should know better. I do know better. And yet, tonight will I do better. I doubt it. I hate it when my husband travels because left to my own devices I act like a teenager but in the morning I have to be a mom.

Pajama Day

So today in honor of Martin Luther King Jr. my kids had the day off of school. I do have to say that our school did discuss MLK Jr.'s important role in American history which was nice. So interesting to hear what a first grader takes away from the lesson. Hockey Boy when asked said that MLK Jr. made the world fair. I am not ready to burst that bubble. Though maybe if that is what they are teaching the first graders it might become true for their generation?

My original plan was to have a pajama day and just relax. We had a busy weekend and my Beloved took off early for a week long business trip. Seemed like the perfect day to be lazy, especially since we did not have to clean up the evidence before he got home. He is the neat freak, always doing something productive, part of our family and we don't want to destroy his vision of his family but when he is away, it is all about pajamas and eating sugar cereal for dinner just because. So my original plan, which I had not told the boys about, was pajama day. But then I remembered that my playgroup mommy friends are coming over tonight for a girls night and we don't have enough seating in our living room for everyone. We have avoided this problem by just not having anyone over but this will be the third time this week I hosted people, including some people I did not know from the PTA, and someone (me) had to sit on the floor. We keep meaning to pick up yet another Ikea chair, you know the one with the wood frame and the huge selection of cushion colors. But we keep forgetting to do it. Ideally we would love to actually decorate our living room and come up with a grown up seating solution, but since we have had our one couch for 6 years now and have not gotten any other chairs or a loveseat, I am thinking it may never happen. I just don't care enough about decorating to actually figure it all out. That is why I love Ikea. You can buy a chair for less than $100 as a temporary solution. Though I am thinking that in 10 years if you come to visit you will still be sitting in those Ikea chairs. Well one of you will, because we keep forgetting to pick up another one.

So anyway I was thinking about taking the kids to Ikea this morning after I finally made it out of bed and into clean clothes. I thought they would be so excited because they love the Ikea ball pit and game room. Seemed like a win-win. Except when I suggested it, my boys all looked at me in total confusion. Middle Man than kindly pointed out that we are supposed to stay home today because, "It is a holiday". I explained that they would not be able to use any screens (tv, Wii, Ds games) until after Little One's nap so we might as well go out. They again looked up from their books and word puzzles with a look that made it clear I was interrupting them and said that was fine. They continued to read for a bit while I wandered around a little confused about what to do but sure I did not want to fold the four loads of laundry my husband kindly washed and dried but did not fold before he left. I eventually sat down to read for a bit and heard the sounds of my sweet boys playing all together. Not sure what the game was but it involved legos and their own personal secret hiding places all in the comfort of their pajamas.