Lies Parents Tell Parents to Be... A Sin of Omission

I was recently thinking about all the lies parents tell soon to be parents, or adults who might be even considering being parents, or new parents. Some are lies. Most are sins of omission, things we don't share until you are a part of the club. Then we will talk about it at length, over dinner.

Things like the lack of sleep. We talk about it and try to prepare pregnant mommies for the lack of sleep when the baby is a newborn but I don't remember anyone telling me that it would be months of middle of the night feedings, followed by years of bad dreams, middle of the night coughing fits, and morning kids who like to wake up with the sun. It feels like they are taking turns through the years. One finally outgrows the bad dreams and then another gets sick. I am exhausted.

Beyond the exhaustion, there is the saying "it never gets any easier." I heard this a lot when my kids were babies from women with older kids. These same women would tell the exhausted, overwhelmed and brain fuzzy me that I should enjoy every moment because it goes by in the blink of an eye. I was so thankful when I heard someone say, "the days last forever but the years fly by" because it made sense and I no longer wondered why all those women were romanticizing the hardest days of my life. I look at Little One now who is turning 4 next week and am amazed that he is so big. That he is no longer my baby. For me though, it has gotten so, so much easier. My kids are still full of challenges which feel bigger and way more out of my control which is hard, but they are also so much easier. They get themselves dressed, go to the bathroom alone, feed themselves and can play for long periods of time without me having to worry about choking or electrocution. There are school conferences and crazy sports schedules along with 7 year old tantrums and meanness. They keep changing on me. But each day they each become more capable, more independent and more responsible for their own lives which is the point of parenting I think.

My favorite sin of omission is the one that keeps parents to be from ever knowing the horrors they will endure at the hands of their children. The deep panic you feel when you can't see your child in the store. The pain in your heart when your child is the victim of someone being mean. Or the deepest, darkest secret of them all, the fact that you will eventually willingly catch vomit in your hands to keep it off the carpet.

We don't tell parents to be most of the hard parts of having kids. I don't know if that is because we don't want to scare them off or because we forget those parts, the ugly, hard parts when we hold the hand of our little one as we walk across the street or get a big toothless smile when they walk in the door from school. I think parenting is a lot like childbirth, the moment the baby is born we forget the pain.

I want my mommy!

There are days in my life when I want my mommy. Days when I want to call up my mommy and have her listen to me whine without trying to fix anything. Days when I am just not in a good mood and want someone to make it a little bit better by loving on me. Days when nothing has really gone wrong but I still feel sad. Days when my feelings have been hurt or my kids are not as cute as they can be. Days when I need someone I can trust not to spread the gossip but wants to listen to me vent. Friends are great but there is a safety that comes with your mommy that cannot be replicated.

Today is one of those days. I want my Mommy. For no particular reason except I am feeling a little low and would love someone to tell me how wonderful I am and how much they love me. I want to pick up the phone and call my mommy but not the mom I actually have because that brings a lot of complications and dysfunction that really doesn't make me feel better. I want the mommy I dreamed of as a little girl. I want the mommy who listens without judgment, loves without expectation and cheers without competing.

I see mother and daughter relationships all around me. Some are complicated like my own but some are actually healthy, loving and caring bonds that grow strong and deeper over time. I know daughters who lost their mothers and mothers who lost their daughters. There is no perfect relationship except on Nick at Night reruns. But there is a vast gully of pain and heartache between the healthy ones and the damaged ones.

Today I want my mommy. And it makes me very, very sad that I don't.

I'm In the Shower!

"I'm in the shower" is a phrase often heard shouted in the morning at our house. It seems that everything becomes vitally important as soon as I start shampooing my hair. I don't understand why the kids suddenly need something, anything, as soon as I get in the shower. You would think by now I would know what to expect and yet every morning I am surprised by the spilled milk that is dripping onto the floor or the missing clean socks that must be found while I am in the middle of rinsing the soap out of my eyes. There are also an amazing number of accidents requiring bandaids when I am sopping wet and naked.

On those few mornings when I am not interrupted while showering, I come out of my room and find wonderful fort creations using every couch cushion and sheets off all their beds. I have also come downstairs to find all the cereal boxes dumped all over the floor though that was years ago. But the scars of remain. Oh and there was the one time when one of my boys decided to throw a book at the nice, fancy tv and break it.

I keep waiting for the day when I can shower in peace again. When the kids were babies I loved the few minutes of peace and quiet I got in the shower. It was my refuge for the day. Now though, showering is very risky behavior. I never know who might sever a finger or decide to climb onto the roof during a game of hide and seek.

What are you?

Yesterday at church I was sitting near the front. A place I am often found first because if I am up front, I am less distracted by my friends and the people around me. Also because there are always seats up front when I come in late. During the greeting part, my pastor came up to me, since I was up front, and asked me, "what are you?" Since it was Halloween I thought he meant what was my costume going to be.

Turns out he was asking what am I? As in what is the core of who I am. Since I was not expecting such a deep question I floundered for a second and the went with the obvious. "I'm a follower of Jesus," I said. Immediately after the words were out of my mouth, actually as the words were forming on my tongue, they felt false. I knew in that moment that while the "correct" answer might be that I am a follower of Christ, it was not really true. It is not the essence of my being or the deepest definition of who I am.

I may want to be a follower of Jesus but my life is evidence to the fact that I am not most of the time. I want to claim being sold out for Christ but I like comfort, warmth and safety a little too much. My every action shows me really shows me being a follower of Jesus only a percentage of the time.

But even more than my actions giving me away, the truth is that my identity is based not on my actions but on my being. Not on what I do but who I am. And to that question I answer confidently and gratefully that I am a child of God, loved and redeemed. That is the very essence of my identity. Being a Jesus follower is something I try to do because He first loved me. But I am first and foremost a child of God, living in the grace He has extended to me.