Motherhood Mondays - Beck and Call Girl

I was watching a movie this weekend about a career woman trying to juggle her work and her family and all the struggles that come with wanting to have it all. And all I kept thinking was, I want her life. Not the late nights trying to make homemade pie for the bake sale after getting home from a business trip but the business trip. The night away. The excuse to leave everyone behind and do your own thing. And it is not just the night away, it's the days at the office where people treat you like you know what your doing. It is having a legitimate, acceptable excuse for not volunteering more at the kids' school. It is the nanny and the husband sharing the household burdens because you both work.

Yes, I know it is hard. I know that I really do have it easy because all I have are the household burdens and the homework, carpooling and feeding of our kids when they are home from school. Except I really hate cooking and cleaning and shopping. I didn't notice it much when the kids were little because the household chores gave structure to our very long days all home together. A trip to Target was not an errand, it was our afternoon activity. We would wander and let the kids look at the toys after I checked out the cute toddler clothes. The grocery store was an educational activity for the kids, where I showed them different foods and how to decide what was the best price, ending the trip at the bakery for a free cookie as a reward for good behavior in the store.

Now though, these are simply errands. Goodwill items piled in the bathtub. Christmas decorations that need to find homes in our new place. Grocery store runs and school forms. Things that have to happen and usually during the quiet hours I have alone to write. And so I put them off until there is an emergency trip required for milk. I recently went into Target for the first time in over a month because I discovered that Amazon will deliver almost anything directly to my door.

And it's not just the housekeeping. Or the birthday planning. Or the make all the appointments and remember to get the kids' flu shots thing. I miss being someone. My own someone. My entire life revolves around my family and yet each of them has a part of their life completely separate. My husband goes to work. It's not easy I'm sure and I know it can be stressful and tiring but its his own. And when he lets me know he needs to travel or work late, I adjust my schedule. My kids go to school all day. They play sports with their friends. They go to other peoples houses. And I work around those schedules, organizing the calendars and driving and siblings.

I am thankful I got to be home with my kids when they were little. I am grateful I still get to be home because I cannot imagine the stress of trying to do it all. But sometimes...

Sometimes I wish it didn't all fall on me. Sometimes I wish I had a real excuse to drop the ball, to escape, to be my own person even at the expense of my family.

I am transitioning to a new phase of parenthood. The kids in school all day and what does that mean phase. And while most days I am really happy with my freedom to stay home and write, there is a small part of me that wants to go back to work so I can have an excuse to not be a full time on the scene parent. Because without a paycheck, without a place I have to be, I still very much feel like I am my family's beck and call girl. And I don't like how that feels today.

What part of being a parent is hardest for you this week?

Giving Instead of Receiving This Year

A month or so ago, the grandparents began asking for birthday and Christmas gift lists from the boys. When I asked them about what they wanted, they named a video game or two but they all had trouble coming up with anything they really, really wanted. I suggested that maybe this year instead of receiving Christmas gifts from all the extended family this year, they might ask instead that their family give gifts to a charity they choose. 

I was surprised that the boys all quickly agreed this was a good idea when I first mentioned it. This may be because all three of them have winter birthdays and would receive gifts then as well as knowing that Santa Claus would still be filling their stockings and under the tree like he does each year. But I also think they are realizing how much we really have (and how little our home is to store it all).

And so they jumped on board with the idea. They especially enjoyed choosing their own charity to support. Each spent time considering their options and their choices are definitely indicative of what they love and value.

Today the boys sent this email to the family.

Subject Line: Giving Instead of Receiving.

Dear Family,  

When we started to consider Christmas wish lists, we realized we have lots of toys, books and games and we don't really need any new things. We know we are blessed and there are kids in the world that don't have as much as we do. We would like to raise money for a charity instead this year. Each of us has chosen a charity project that means a lot to us.  

Hockey Boy is collecting money to buy books for kids who do not have the amazing library he has through Ethiopia Reads. (Link) 

Middle Man wants to buy chicks through World Vision to give to families. (Link) 

Little One wants to give soccer balls to kids who use grass and mud balls to play soccer that he saw in the World Vision Gift Catalog. Link) 

If you would like to give us a Christmas gift this year, we ask that you support these charities instead. Santa Claus will still be visiting us so don't worry about us going without fun toys on Christmas morning. You can make checks out to World Vision and Ethiopia Reads or to each of us individually and we will send them on as a group. You can also donate directly online if that is easier but please let us know because we want to keep track of how much we are able to raise.  

Happy Thanksgiving!
Hockey Boy, Middle Man, and Little One

I would not say that my boys are especially compassionate or empathetic. They are not the kids that get upset about the homeless person on the corner or worry about the starving kids in Africa. But when a specific need is presented to them, they want to help. Maybe that is the lesson here for those of us with kids that don't take the initiative. We need to give them the opportunity to help.

And don't worry about my kids being all sad on Christmas morning. I am sure that Santa Claus will be pretty happy with their generosity and will be putting them on the nice list, the extra nice list.

How do you help your kids love the world? 

Falling on Grace's Side

I am tired of being told I need to stand up for truth. 

I am tired of being told which sins "we" must fight against. 

I am tired of being told I must vote a certain way because I am a Christian. 

I am tired of my faith being used as part of a political agenda. 

When asked what the greatest commandment was Jesus replied:

“‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’" (Matthew 22:37-39)

I have chosen to err on the side of love. If I am going to miss the mark, I would rather fall on the side of grace than that of righteousness. One I cannot attain. The other I can only give because it was first given to me. 

Words From My Pastor Regarding Women In Leadership

We are in the midst of the holiday season. We have a few family birthdays in the month of November and December to add to the holiday fun (and frenzy). I am thinking that over the next few weeks, my blogging will be sporadic and completely off schedule and topic. Starting with today.

*****

I was sitting in church this last Sunday when our Pastor John Ortberg said something that almost brought me to tears. In the middle of his sermon centered in the book of Judges and the cycle of sin and redemption, he said words that touched my heart. I want to share these words today because I sit here and know that a war on women is happening in the church universal. As someone who has been pushed to hide my spiritual gifts because it might make someone uncomfortable, I know the body is being hurt by the diminishing of God's people.

And so I share these words. Words spoken by a pastor. A well respected pastor of a well respected church. A trained theologian who points to Christ with each word he preaches. In the middle of the story of he adds these words:

I'll say a word about this, because people sometimes wonder about God and the Bible and women in leadership. So notice Deborah was the highest leader of Israel. Although she was married, she (not her husband) was chosen by God to be the leader of Israel. 

Her husband was part of Israel, so he (her husband) is one of the people she (a woman) is leading. Notice this text does not say God did this because no other man would step up to spiritual leadership because it was supposed to be a man. It doesn't say that. It just says God chose her. Just one little indication. Even way back in the Old Testament, God chooses women. I, for one, am so glad to be a part of a church where woman and men can serve and minister and follow and lead together on the basis of spiritual giftedness and not gender. - John Ortberg  

You can watch the entire message at Menlo Park Presbyterian Church's website. (The story of Deborah and Jael and Sisero starts at about the twelve minute mark.) It's a good sermon about the idea that you reap what you sow. That was the point of the sermon. It was not about the role of women in the church.  It was about the vicious cycle of sin, pain, redemption, peach and sin again. But in the midst of the message he said these words because Deborah and Jael were there, in the Bible. He didn't avoid the story of these women. He didn't discount the role of Deborah.

He simply taught what the Bible said.

Deborah was a prophet. She was a judge. She was the leader of all of Israel. She was a woman.

I am thankful for my church, for a place where my gender does not determine my place in God's family. God does.

What has your pastor said recently that you needed to hear?