Prayer - Who God Is

As I starting asking, "Lord, teach me to pray," I began to see my prayer life changing. Between the books I was reading, the Bible reading I was doing and simply engaging the Lord in prayer, I was slowly learning to pray. I am still very much a student in the God's school of prayer but I learned something foundational this last year that has helped me to pray. God is God! HE IS. This world, this story is not about me. I am not the author or the star but I am able to participate in a meaningful way when I align myself with God. Otherwise, I am milling about, trying to make it all about me, creating a life of drama and activity. Our prayer lives I think can also take on a me, me, me quality that moves us from conversation to monologue very quickly. And while I do enjoy my husband listening to me, I don't find a one sided conversation very meaningful or relationship building. So it is with God.

I love what RC Sproul wrote in his book "The Prayer of the Lord":

People come to me and ask: "What are the rules for prayer? How should we approach God in prayer? What's the right way to pray?" I tell those who ask these kinds of questions that there are really only two rules you have to keep in mind when you're in prayer, two things that should drive and govern and control your prayer life with the Almighty. You should remember who is being addressed and who is doing the speaking. That is, the first thing you are to remember in prayer is who it is you're talking to, because nothing will condition your prayer life more deeply than remembering that you're in conversation with God, the sovereign Creator and Ruler of the universe. Second, you are to remember who you are. You are not God. You are a creature. So prayer is not a conversation between peers; it is not a fireside chat among equals. This is the creature speaking to the sovereign Creator.

As I wrap my mind and heart around the first of these two rules, I remember who God is. God is God. I am not. I am slowly finding comfort in my place of creation not creator. It is hard to let go of being the one in charge of my life and the world around me. But the more I understand who God is, the easier it is for me to stand before Him as His child. This is where my prayers need to begin. It is where Jesus taught us to begin in the Lord's prayer - "Our Father!"

So now that I KNOW God is God, I am finding out I want to know more and more about who He is and what He has created and planned for me. My prayers can no longer be monologues that leave me feeling like I am talking to a tree. I have a desire, and a duty, to learn more about God. And the best way I know to learn more about God is to read His letters to us. He left us a whole series of books and letters that tell us who He is and what He desires for us. Imagine if your best friend, child or husband left you a book full of letters telling you all their stories. I would want to read that every day, every time I felt that hole from them being gone. That is how I want to feel toward God's word. Reading God's word should be a huge part of my prayer life because it is the best, most true way that God talks to me. I recently came to the realization that I am horrible listener when it comes to God. I recently posted on this blog,

I have been confronted by what a horrible listener I am when it comes to God. I am pretty good about allowing a few moments of quiet reflection when I pray for wisdom or guidance, hoping that God will give me the directions I need in that moment. But I am not utilizing God's actual Words enough, His written Word, His Holy letter to me. I will let days go by before I pick up my Bible and rarely do I think of it as a part of my prayer life. That the Bible is God's word to and for me. That He is speaking, quite literally, in the Bible.

And yet, I often throw up prayers to God and then wait for answers to magically appear in my day.

This summer I began to think that praying without reading God's word is a lot like asking my husband, "Does this dress make me look fat?" In both cases, I will never know if the answer I got is the Truth.

And just like I need a regular date night to spend time with my husband, I need a regular date time with God. I need to spend time with God, not just talking about and reading about God. Quality time, dedicated time that is set apart from the regular business of the day. Time that let's God and I reconnect.

I want to know God well enough that I want to hear the truth. I want to trust God enough that I can really hear Him when I need to be told that the dress does indeed make me look fat.

Prayer - The Starting Line

This prayer journey I have been on is coming to a culmination of sorts as I am tasked with teaching on the subject of prayer at our women's Bible study. Since I write now in blog form, I am going to use a series of blog vignettes to teach. Here is my first:

I want to start by admitting that I am not a prayer warrior. I do not have all the answers. And if you all decide that I must be the person to share your prayer requests with I must truthfully admit now that I will probably forget half of them because I am not very disciplined about praying for others, yet. Instead, I am a student just like all of you, trying to figure this whole prayer thing out.

I started my journey about a year ago when I came to the realization that I needed to really engage God in prayer but I did not feel like I knew how. I knew the basics, the Lord's Prayer, ACTS (Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication). I knew the common scriptures about prayer: Pray without ceasing (I Thes 5:17), Ask and it shall be given unto you (Matt 7:7), Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed (Mark 1:35). I knew we were instructed to pray. I knew the early church was actively engaged in the work of prayer. I knew also that our prayers are often misguided and even self indulgent. I felt at a loss for what to pray. What is God's will? Is this the right thing to pray for? What does God want from prayer? I finally, after decades in the church, felt compelled to try to figure this whole prayer thing out. But how?

I decided to ask some of the people I trusted most, who I knew truly understood prayer, for some recommendations for books to read. I compiled the list, looked them up on Amazon and ordered the whole stack. As a history teacher, I like to have multiple sources before I come to a conclusion for myself. A group of friends and I also decided to read through the Bible in 2010. The first book I started reading was Andrew Murray's "With Christ in the School of Prayer." Wow! What a great way to start. I wrote about what I was learning here, here, here and here. The most important lesson being that books and sermons are great to help you learn and understand, but first and foremost we need to ask Jesus to be our instructor. We need to sign up with Him for His class on prayer. Murray ended his first chapter with this prayer which I took on as my own:

Lord Jesus! I ask Thee this day to enroll my name among those who confess that they know not how to pray as they ought, and specially ask Thee for a course of teaching in prayer. Lord! teach me to tarry with Thee in the school, and give Thee time to train me. May a deep sense of my ignorance, of the wonderful privilege and power of prayer, of the need of the Holy Spirit as the Spirit of prayer, lead me to cast away my thoughts of what I think I know, and make me kneel before Thee in true teachableness and poverty of spirit.

I went on to read "The Prayer of the Lord" by RC Sproul, "Praying: Finding our Way Through Duty to Delight" by J.I Packer and Carolyn Nystrom, and "A Praying Life" by Paul E. Miller. Through all these books, the Bible reading, and oh yes the two different sermon series I listened to this year (I love how God gives you abundant opportunities to learn when you go to him to create the syllubus), I have grown as a student. I have a much better understanding of prayer, mostly because I have given up trying to understand it. I have come to a place where I can stand in the mysterious, boldly coming before God with my hopes, hurts and needs, being sure that His answer to my prayers is the BEST answer for me, even if I don't like the answer or the amount of days, weeks, or years I have to bring the same prayer before Him without closure.

I don't understand it all. I am still horribly inconsistent. I still have a few more books in my stack to read. But I am seeing God working through my prayers over the last year. The prayers of someone testing out this whole prayer thing. The prayers of someone doubting that God cares, but still coming before Him with my heart. The prayers said with an arrogant or angry tone for people who have annoyed or hurt me. The prayers said with heartfelt gratitude for God calling me His child.

I don't know if I will ever be a prayer warrior but I am finally engaged in prayer.

Churches - a Cultural Study

Due to some scheduling issues, Hockey Boy is not able to attend our local church for the next two months. We struggled with how to handle this situation. Do we make him go to church and miss practice? Do we make him go to practice since he is part of team and miss church? Are we choosing sports over God? Does it matter if we meet together on Sunday mornings? Is going on just Wednesday night enough?

We prayed about it. We talked it over with Hockey Boy. And we came to the decision that we would not choose hockey over God, but we were comfortable choosing hockey over our local Sunday morning service for a short period of time. We decided to use this opportunity to teach hockey boy the importance of meeting together regularly with other believers to worship. Even if your schedule did not allow you to go to your comfortable, safe, home church on Sunday mornings. As he grows up life might get in the way of Sunday mornings. I know once he is in college and staying up late, sleep might get in the way. He may also choose a career that requires you to work on Sundays. He may become a pastor someday. :)

We looked at different church schedules and found a church nearby that has a service time that works. It is a church I have heard about that draws a young crowd. I have heard they have great music and are really seeker friendly. It even has a children's program on Sunday evenings. So Hockey Boy and I decided to check it out.

First thing that surprised me was the crowds. We had to park quite a ways away and people were streaming into the building, on a Sunday night. Not only were they all coming to church, they were all carrying Bibles. And not little pocket Bibles but big study Bibles. I was a bit stunned by the number of Bibles.

Hockey Boy started in the service with me before the kids were released to their class. The music was good, but LOUD. Too loud for Hockey Boy so we went into the overflow room where it was less deafening. Good thing we went into the overflow room because there was no room in the sanctuary until they released the kids to class and then it was like a sold out movie theater with people trying to find seats and having to cuddle up with your neighbor because every seat was full. I was happy to see Hockey Boy head into this new classroom so easily. He has become really shy over the last few years, but he seems to be comfortable in church, even when it is a new church or camp. I love that he feels so safe in God's houses.

Once the sermon was beginning the pastor asked everyone to open their Bibles and to raise your hand if you did not have a Bible. Every lap had a big Bible on it and those that did not raised their hands high to get one to use. At that moment, I felt a little weird. I had my Bible with me. I always have my Bible with me. It is an app on my phone. I actually have two Bibles on my phone, the Bible app by lifechurch.tv and also the Reformed Study Bible in case I want the extra study notes. I have my Bible on my phone so I always have it with me. I read it in car line or at hockey practice. I can look up a verse quickly if I want to share it with someone I am with or in an email. But in that room I felt a little less than because I was the only person pulling out my phone to read the Bible. I began to think to myself that I should probably bring a "real" Bible from home next time and not just my pocket Bible, but my really big Study Bible. Maybe I should grab my commentary too?

In that moment I realized how quickly good discipline, bringing your Bible to church, can become cultural and not Biblical. I had my Bible. I was able to follow along with all the scripture references. I was able to take notes if I wanted. There was nothing missing because I was using a Bible on my phone. And yet I felt a bit out of place. I was wondering if people were judging me and thinking I was less of a Christian. Maybe they thought I was a new believer. I wanted to fit into their church culture.

Then the person next to me could not find a pen for her daughter. I had one in my bag so I pulled it out and handed it over to her. She was appreciative but I can only imagine what she thought when she realized it was a pen from our regular church. Not only did I not bring my Bible, but I steal pens too.

Paying Attention Does Work

As much as I hate to admit it, paying attention to my kids does work. As I wrote yesterday, I am not a fan of dragging the other boys to watch their brother's hockey practice. I have often resorted to video games to keep them distracted and entertained so I can watch the practice and chat with my friends. This works sometimes but I have noticed that the magic of the video game has been fading. My kids were beginning to act more entitled and having a hard time sharing and turning off the games. As a Bejeweled addict I understand.

Yesterday I decided to try a new tactic. I packed a bag with books, puzzle books, wiki sticks and also hockey balls and sticks. I brought along Middle Man's church homework also. It worked. Not perfectly. One kid was watching over the shoulder of another child on their video game for a while, but I eventually distracted them taking them off to another corner to talk about their Bible study questions. There were also a few close calls of hockey practice balls hitting a spectator or two. But overall it worked. Bringing engaging toys and books, spending time talking and playing with the boys, all worked to entertain the little ones and keep the crying and whining of them and me to a minimum.

It is more work to be prepared, more work to engage, but so much more rewarding and a lot less embarrassing.