Wednesday, March 17, 2010

How Much?

Lately I have been hit by the concept that God has a much bigger work planned for me than I realize or deem myself worthy. In Bible study I learned that God wants to take me SO far. In the book I am reading about prayer, "With Christ in the School of Prayer" by Andrew Murray, I recently read a chapter entitled "How Much More?" Murray takes this phrase from Jesus' teaching in Matthew 7:9 - 11 which says,
"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

How much more will God in heaven give to His children. Murray goes on to write about the Father relationship we are to have with God. That prayer is part of a relationship we have with our Heavenly Father. "The power of the promise, 'Ask, and it shall be given you,' lies in the loving relationship between us as children and the Father in heaven. This is a difficult characterization of God for my brain and more importantly my heart to grasp. Partly because I bring to this my experience of my earthly father, partly because I am tied up in the logic and teachings of this world, and wholly because I am sinful, depraved and rebellious. God as a loving Father, makes sense to me when I talk to other people. I fully believe and know deep down that Our Father loves His children with a deep and fierce love. But when it comes to my own relationship with the Father I don't feel it. I don't believe it. And I don't trust it. That is me. Not God. I want to protect against being wrong or hurt. I want to protect also against feeling disappointment when I disobey or choose the easy road. I don't want to let my Father down and I know I will. I will disappoint and sadden my Father. I don't know how to be loved, not in the way my Heavenly Father loves, with a love that is pure and holy.

So this is my prayer, the prayer of a little girl who wants to cry out Abba Father, who wants to know deep in my soul how much my Father loves me.

I love the prayer at the end of the chapter. In it Murray writes, "we know so little of the love of the Father. Lord! teach us so to live with the Father that His loves may be to us nearer, clearer, dearer, than the love of any earthly father." Later he writes, "Lord Jesus' it is fatherlike love that awakens childlike trust." My heart was pierced by this. This idea of how great is the love of my Father, a love I can trust. A love so big that only He can teach me to accept His love, to create a childlike trust in me that allows me to rest at peace in His hands.

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