As I mentioned in the fall, this year was a first for bus riding at our house. Last year we were walkers but the move back home also moved us to a neighborhood that has a bus. We were all so excited! I would no longer have to wake Little One so we could pick up his brothers from school. They would be delivered right to our doorstep, almost. But then the time came to put my kids on the bus and I was nervous. I tried really hard to hide my anxieties, which were well founded because I rode a bus most of my childhood, though all the scary and horrible things I did not want them to hear or learn on the bus did not happen until I was in middle school. So my anxieties might have been a little early. But the boys were so excited. So excited that even though I was going to the school on Middle Man's first official day of school for a kindergarten coffee right after drop off, he insisted on riding the bus and I ended up hopping in the car and essentially following them to school because I had to be there when the bell rang. They loved the bus from the first moment. I continued to be a bit nervous but each day, they arrived home safely and the bus driver always had a smile on her face and warm greeting for my kids
I have to be honest. I don't know how she does it. Our bus driver seems so happy to be on a bus full of elementary kids. I can barely handle being in the car with my kids for the five minutes it takes to get to the YMCA. And in my car they are all locked in car seats and booster seats. The bus can be a free for all. But with her in charge it does not seem to be.
She learned all their names in the first week or so and knows which kid goes with which parent. She knows my kids and their personalities. She makes sure I am home and does not just dump and run. Her care for my kids is evident and it makes me feel better, knowing they are in her care. My kids love the bus driver so much that when I asked them about Christmas gifts for the teachers, Middle Man, said right away that he was going to make an ornament for Bus Driver. At which point I felt a little bad that at our house her name was Bus Driver. How did I not know the name of the person who drives my kids to and from school every day. They spend at least 30 minutes on that bus each day. I should know her name. It was way too late in the year to ask her so I did what any embarrassed person who forgot someone's name would do. I called the district transportation office and asked. So we now know her name.
And I know that my son's ornament meant a lot to her. She kept it as she does all the notes and gifts from the kids. I know this because this morning as I was sitting down in Starbucks getting ready to do my Bible Study homework, she walked by. We waved, I took my earbuds out, and we had a conversation. Which is how I found out that our bus driver is a Christian. She was on her way to Bible Study. Truth is, I am not surprised.
They will know we are Christians by our love.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Monday, February 1, 2010
Stopping to Smell the Firetruck?
Today Little One and I were at the grocery store picking up the essentials which at our house are milk, gogurts and eggos. We did also get some of his favorite cantaloupe and some Valentines cookies for the kids' lunches. We were having a nice slow time looking at everything when we spotted a fire fighter walking through the store. We then saw another one. This has happened a few times while we were at this same store. I am thinking the fire fighters like this particular store because there is always plenty of room for their truck. Well Little One was gazing at one of the guys who stopped to say hi and we asked if his truck was outside. Once Little One heard the truck was outside he was suddenly in a big hurry to get our shopping done. "Hurry Mommy" he kept saying. He was not thrilled that we had to stand in line or wait for the lady in front of us who needed lottery tickets and was paying by check. I was not concerned since I had not seen the fire fighters check out yet but Little One is little and could not see the other check stands.
Finally we were done. I put the groceries in our car and let him stand and stare at the fire truck. When I was done, he was not. He wanted to see the truck drive away. And that is the moment when I realized how much I love being home with my kids. Because we then walked closer to the fire truck and we just sat and watched it sitting there. We looked at the lights and talked about the color. We saw the funny things they put around the tires to keep it from rolling away while it is parked. We read the side and the engine number. It was sprinkling but we had our rain coats on and were enjoying the moment. We stopped and watched the fire truck.
And then things got even better. The fire fighters came out of the store and walked to their truck. Little One was going to see the truck drive away. And then it got even better because when the fire fighters saw him watching their truck just sitting there they called us over. They tried to talk to him, though he was shy. We saw them put their grocery bags in the special side sections with the hoses. He got a sticker. And then as they drove away they waved and turned on their lights. Just for my little three year old.
I am so glad that our lives are not so rushed that we can't spend 15 minutes watching the fire truck and talking to the fire fighters. I know it made Little Ones day. This is one of a thousand reasons why I am so glad I get to stay home with the boys.
Oh and then we went to Starbucks and watched our favorite baristas make Mommy's coffee and then a few more because Little One also loves watching the baristas at work.
Finally we were done. I put the groceries in our car and let him stand and stare at the fire truck. When I was done, he was not. He wanted to see the truck drive away. And that is the moment when I realized how much I love being home with my kids. Because we then walked closer to the fire truck and we just sat and watched it sitting there. We looked at the lights and talked about the color. We saw the funny things they put around the tires to keep it from rolling away while it is parked. We read the side and the engine number. It was sprinkling but we had our rain coats on and were enjoying the moment. We stopped and watched the fire truck.
And then things got even better. The fire fighters came out of the store and walked to their truck. Little One was going to see the truck drive away. And then it got even better because when the fire fighters saw him watching their truck just sitting there they called us over. They tried to talk to him, though he was shy. We saw them put their grocery bags in the special side sections with the hoses. He got a sticker. And then as they drove away they waved and turned on their lights. Just for my little three year old.
I am so glad that our lives are not so rushed that we can't spend 15 minutes watching the fire truck and talking to the fire fighters. I know it made Little Ones day. This is one of a thousand reasons why I am so glad I get to stay home with the boys.
Oh and then we went to Starbucks and watched our favorite baristas make Mommy's coffee and then a few more because Little One also loves watching the baristas at work.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Want Friends?
Last night was my turn to host our monthly girls night out group. Since it was January, I made sure to have some veggies snacks along with homemade chocolate chip cookies. We drank greyhounds (grapefruit juice with vodka) which I got from a mutual friend who had moved away's Facebook page. I felt bad we ran out of vodka. We are not a big drinking group but almost everyone was there last night. We talked, we painted toes, we prayed for one friend's son. We hit the big topics, the silly topics. We got to know one another more deeply yet again. I found out there is a new cupcake place just one town away that I now have to try. It was a wonderful evening with a few of us hanging on until after midnight.
I write this not to make people who don't have a group like this feel bad. I have been the new person in a room at the women's spring tea listening to the speaker tell us about all her amazing friendships and being really annoyed. I don't really need to hear how much people like you. I need to know how to get friends of my own. Having moved as much as I have here is what I have learned about making friends, real friends that you can talk to and laugh with.
1) Be available. Show up. Keep showing up.
Making good friends takes time. I remember when we moved to California and I was all alone and my husband worked all the time. I was desperate for human contact with adults and this was before I discovered Facebook so I had to hang out places where other moms hang out. I joined the mom's group at our church. I hung around the preschool after pick up and started little conversations with the moms. I got discouraged at times. But I kept showing up. It took a long time but sometime in January, I was having play dates with two different families. And by the time we moved away they were two dear friends. Same thing happened in kindergarten. The room mom invited everyone over for a coffee the first week of school. I was nervous. I had Little Man who might tear up her house. I did not want to get sucked into the cult that is the PTA. But I said yes because that is how you make friends. That is how you get to know people. One of the best yeses I have ever said. What an amazing woman she is, a beacon of hope to this mom of three a little farther behind in the journey. And what an amazing group of kinder parents I got to know! Miss them all so much. So say yes. But also know that if you are the person that flakes on a group of friends enough, they may stop calling you. Or if you don't say yes the first time or two, they may think you don't want to be their friend. So say yes. Make it work. Find the time. Friendship takes face time and a length of time to grow.
2) Take the initiative. Be brave.
I was the person that did start the girls night out group that I mentioned at the start. I really wanted a girls night out group, a book club, something to get me out of the house once in a while. I kept waiting but no one invited me to join the book club. I had waited for two years in California to get invited to join a bunco group, or dinner club. Never happened. I sort of missed the boat a bit because my kids were born up north and I found that with preschoolers most of us made our friends when our kids were babies and were now busy, the groups were full. My baby friends were up north and I was alone in California. I was making a few friends through church and preschool, but even there someone has to make the first move to invite people over for coffee or out to dinner. But I think we are all a bit scared and insecure. It feels like middle school all over again. What if they don't like me. Will it be a pity yes? or even worse a no? When I moved back home I decided to make a group. I asked two friends from my church to join me, we had met in a small group years before and I was so glad to be back with my friends. They said yes, and then I asked them to think of more people from our church that might be needing some deeper connections with a small group of girls. (I do think it is funny that I still think of us as girls, though the insecurity in the initial inviting people to join our "club" made me feel like a girl.) We had some yeses, a few too busies. And our group was born. We had a plan. Meet once a month. Rotate the host. Invite new people - though we keep it to people from church who are local. I did this last month with someone I felt like I was supposed to invite but was worried because while we have been in small group for a while I was worried she might not like me. Silly me, silly insecurities. I am loving getting to know her in a different setting, a more relaxed sillier setting. Last night seven women were here while our pregnant friend was at home catching up on rest. We are growing together. We are supporting one another. We are loving each other. Don't get mad at us that we did not ask you to join us. If you know us, ask, we love new people. Or better yet, start a group. Find one friend and go from there. Take the initiative! Don't sit back and wait for the invitation.
3) Be yourself. Be truthful. Be real. Be authentic.
It is so much faster to get to know someone when you actually are getting to know who they really are. Now there are times and places for this. I don't need to share my love of reality tv and twitter with my Bible study small group at church. But I have to be myself with the people I really want to come alongside me. I fight this sometimes because I know that my real self can be a bit brash at first. I grow on people like I wrote here and sometimes I want to make a good first impression. Which is funny because it rarely works because sooner or later my foot in mouth, loud, brash but deeply caring personality will come shining through. But I also know that being real with people builds connections. Just this week I saw a friend carrying a set of the Twilight books in a bag because someone had just returned them to her (not because she is a nutcase). This is a friend who I have shared in many numerous theological and parenting conversations but I did not know she was a fellow Twilight addict. And in knowing that I felt a kinship that I did not before. I also had a friend recently hit the "like" button on one of my more spiritual status update. She was someone I had no idea even thought about spiritual things. Now there is an opening for a conversation.
So those are my hints. I have been lucky enough to move around a lot and get to make some amazing new friends. Though I have also been unlucky in that I have moved around a lot and have had to say goodbye to many wonderful friends. Which is why I love Facebook, blogs, email and Christmas cards. I worked hard at times to make my friends. I am not letting them go without a fight!
I write this not to make people who don't have a group like this feel bad. I have been the new person in a room at the women's spring tea listening to the speaker tell us about all her amazing friendships and being really annoyed. I don't really need to hear how much people like you. I need to know how to get friends of my own. Having moved as much as I have here is what I have learned about making friends, real friends that you can talk to and laugh with.
1) Be available. Show up. Keep showing up.
Making good friends takes time. I remember when we moved to California and I was all alone and my husband worked all the time. I was desperate for human contact with adults and this was before I discovered Facebook so I had to hang out places where other moms hang out. I joined the mom's group at our church. I hung around the preschool after pick up and started little conversations with the moms. I got discouraged at times. But I kept showing up. It took a long time but sometime in January, I was having play dates with two different families. And by the time we moved away they were two dear friends. Same thing happened in kindergarten. The room mom invited everyone over for a coffee the first week of school. I was nervous. I had Little Man who might tear up her house. I did not want to get sucked into the cult that is the PTA. But I said yes because that is how you make friends. That is how you get to know people. One of the best yeses I have ever said. What an amazing woman she is, a beacon of hope to this mom of three a little farther behind in the journey. And what an amazing group of kinder parents I got to know! Miss them all so much. So say yes. But also know that if you are the person that flakes on a group of friends enough, they may stop calling you. Or if you don't say yes the first time or two, they may think you don't want to be their friend. So say yes. Make it work. Find the time. Friendship takes face time and a length of time to grow.
2) Take the initiative. Be brave.
I was the person that did start the girls night out group that I mentioned at the start. I really wanted a girls night out group, a book club, something to get me out of the house once in a while. I kept waiting but no one invited me to join the book club. I had waited for two years in California to get invited to join a bunco group, or dinner club. Never happened. I sort of missed the boat a bit because my kids were born up north and I found that with preschoolers most of us made our friends when our kids were babies and were now busy, the groups were full. My baby friends were up north and I was alone in California. I was making a few friends through church and preschool, but even there someone has to make the first move to invite people over for coffee or out to dinner. But I think we are all a bit scared and insecure. It feels like middle school all over again. What if they don't like me. Will it be a pity yes? or even worse a no? When I moved back home I decided to make a group. I asked two friends from my church to join me, we had met in a small group years before and I was so glad to be back with my friends. They said yes, and then I asked them to think of more people from our church that might be needing some deeper connections with a small group of girls. (I do think it is funny that I still think of us as girls, though the insecurity in the initial inviting people to join our "club" made me feel like a girl.) We had some yeses, a few too busies. And our group was born. We had a plan. Meet once a month. Rotate the host. Invite new people - though we keep it to people from church who are local. I did this last month with someone I felt like I was supposed to invite but was worried because while we have been in small group for a while I was worried she might not like me. Silly me, silly insecurities. I am loving getting to know her in a different setting, a more relaxed sillier setting. Last night seven women were here while our pregnant friend was at home catching up on rest. We are growing together. We are supporting one another. We are loving each other. Don't get mad at us that we did not ask you to join us. If you know us, ask, we love new people. Or better yet, start a group. Find one friend and go from there. Take the initiative! Don't sit back and wait for the invitation.
3) Be yourself. Be truthful. Be real. Be authentic.
It is so much faster to get to know someone when you actually are getting to know who they really are. Now there are times and places for this. I don't need to share my love of reality tv and twitter with my Bible study small group at church. But I have to be myself with the people I really want to come alongside me. I fight this sometimes because I know that my real self can be a bit brash at first. I grow on people like I wrote here and sometimes I want to make a good first impression. Which is funny because it rarely works because sooner or later my foot in mouth, loud, brash but deeply caring personality will come shining through. But I also know that being real with people builds connections. Just this week I saw a friend carrying a set of the Twilight books in a bag because someone had just returned them to her (not because she is a nutcase). This is a friend who I have shared in many numerous theological and parenting conversations but I did not know she was a fellow Twilight addict. And in knowing that I felt a kinship that I did not before. I also had a friend recently hit the "like" button on one of my more spiritual status update. She was someone I had no idea even thought about spiritual things. Now there is an opening for a conversation.
So those are my hints. I have been lucky enough to move around a lot and get to make some amazing new friends. Though I have also been unlucky in that I have moved around a lot and have had to say goodbye to many wonderful friends. Which is why I love Facebook, blogs, email and Christmas cards. I worked hard at times to make my friends. I am not letting them go without a fight!
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Whiplash of the Mind
I was recently looking over my Facebook status updates and was amazed at how divergent they can be. Here are a few of my recent missives:
That was over four days but could have easily have been written in a few hours. My mind jumps quickly at times between subjects and goes from the mundane, to the eccentric, to the silly, to the deeply spiritual and back again in a matter of minutes. I have friends who are like this and when we talk... well I can only imagine the poor people sitting next to us in Starbucks. Our conversation can cause whiplash.
Thankfully my husband has learned that their are connections between each thought, even if he can't figure out what they are and needs them explained. Though now he usually just trusts that what I am saying makes sense in my mind and goes with the flow of the conversation. I know I am not the only one like this with a mind that moves thoughts around quickly and randomly, letting them collide together and creating new ideas. I have found many kindred spirits.
I love that I can talk about what happened on Grey's Anatomy in one sentence and the theological idea of election in the next. That I read books on prayer written over a hundred years ago, and mommy blogs and silly twitter updates of people that make me smile.
So please don't mind the whiplash that might occasionally occur on this blog. I honestly use this blog to get all the thoughts that are swirling around my head on any given day out of my head and onto "paper" hoping that I can then release that idea for a while.
Oh and let me say that I watched part of the State of the Union speech with the drinking game rules in front of me. So glad I was not playing with actual liquor! President Obama said the word "jobs" a lot. Though because I am who I am, I also listened to the speech because I enjoy government and a reasonable political discussion, not that those happen much anymore. I could start quoting my favorite lines now but will save those for another day.
See, whiplash.
I want an iPad! - Yesterday (Wednesday)
Just read the Huffington Posts rules for the State of the Union drinking game. That looks more dangerous than the Robin Shebowski one. - Tuesday
Was rushing the kids through dinner thinking we were late only to arrive at basketball practice 15 minutes early. - Monday
I am not sure what God is going to do with my obedience to His whispers but I have been really encouraged this week. But that is when it is easy to be obedient, when you are getting lots of good feedback. Praying that I can say yes Lord even when the world's response is silence. - Sunday
That was over four days but could have easily have been written in a few hours. My mind jumps quickly at times between subjects and goes from the mundane, to the eccentric, to the silly, to the deeply spiritual and back again in a matter of minutes. I have friends who are like this and when we talk... well I can only imagine the poor people sitting next to us in Starbucks. Our conversation can cause whiplash.
Thankfully my husband has learned that their are connections between each thought, even if he can't figure out what they are and needs them explained. Though now he usually just trusts that what I am saying makes sense in my mind and goes with the flow of the conversation. I know I am not the only one like this with a mind that moves thoughts around quickly and randomly, letting them collide together and creating new ideas. I have found many kindred spirits.
I love that I can talk about what happened on Grey's Anatomy in one sentence and the theological idea of election in the next. That I read books on prayer written over a hundred years ago, and mommy blogs and silly twitter updates of people that make me smile.
So please don't mind the whiplash that might occasionally occur on this blog. I honestly use this blog to get all the thoughts that are swirling around my head on any given day out of my head and onto "paper" hoping that I can then release that idea for a while.
Oh and let me say that I watched part of the State of the Union speech with the drinking game rules in front of me. So glad I was not playing with actual liquor! President Obama said the word "jobs" a lot. Though because I am who I am, I also listened to the speech because I enjoy government and a reasonable political discussion, not that those happen much anymore. I could start quoting my favorite lines now but will save those for another day.
See, whiplash.
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