Sunday, April 17, 2016

Coming Back

I thought it had been longer since I last wrote. I thought I was done with this space. I thought I was done being a writer.

But I am wondering if maybe I am not. If maybe, I still have words to share.

I went back to work full time this winter. I am a teacher again. Not at a traditional school. My students often say it is not a real school, but I disagree. We do real learning there even if it is a therapeutic residential treatment facility and most of the students have experienced some form of trauma that has informed their lives and decision making. We do real learning even as we struggle to read the words because we are years below grade level. We do real learning as we learn to use school appropriate language and talk through our frustrations instead of running or fighting or shutting down.

It has been an exhausting transition back to working full time, and yet, I feel more energized each and every day. I keep misplacing my credit card and falling asleep on the couch as soon as I sit down but I feel more fulfilled, more purpose filled. I have given my kids more responsibility and they have happily risen to the challenge, most of the time. And my husband has proven once again that he is my partner, taking on more of the household chores without batting an eye. (I am now the one getting in trouble for putting things in the cart at Costco because "it wasn't on the list".)

I didn't think I would have time to write. I didn't think I would want to write.

But here I am.

I know this blog will be changing as my life has changed.

I am still figuring out this motherhood thing. I am still working out my faith, oh there are so many stories there from the last year that I may tell someday. And I am still living authentically because I know no other way to be.

But my world has grown with my new job. I am seeing things that break my heart and make me angry. I am wondering if I can make a difference, if I am doing enough, if there is hope. And then I see that look in a student's eyes when he his real and honest and right there with me and I wonder if maybe, just maybe there is hope that the world can be better than it is right now.

So I don't know what I will be writing about except to know that I will keep writing my truth, my questions, my struggles - all in hope.

Because it is hope that keeps me going.