Sunday, October 11, 2009

Sinful Nature? Who me?

Last week my dear husband picked up my boys' favorite hamburger Happy Meals at McDonalds for dinner. These are also our favorites because our McDonalds has $1.25 Happy Meals on Tuesdays and it was Tuesday. What could be better. Happy Meals for the kids and cheap eats for us that don't involve me cooking. Win-win-win.

Everyone was eagerly awaiting their treat and more importantly the toy that comes in the box. They were sitting patiently at the table when he came in and started handing out the boxes. Since all three meals are the exact same on Tuesdays there was no need to figure out what belongs to whom. At least that is what he thought. Until the tears started. The little boys were so excited to see a Bakugan ball in their respective Happy Meal boxes. Unfortunately there had been a mix up at the McDonalds drive thru and Hockey Boy somehow ended up with the "girl" box that had a little Build a Bear stuffed animal inside. Oh the tears. The injustice. The wailing. How could we do something so awful to him? My response, "Just chill out." Here switch with Little One who really is too little for a Bakugan ball. At least that is what I tell Little One because I am already annoyed with him for not being willing to use the toilet when he is perfectly capable. "If you are not wearing big boy pants then you are not big enough for the big boy toy." Makes sense to me. More tears. And the agitation starts to build in me. Seriously folks how can my dear husband not know to check the boxes before he starts handing them out? How did he let this happen? I glare at him. "Rookie Mistake" I say.

I cannot believe how annoyed I got over something that was easily fixed. Especially considering the next time I went to McDonalds, Little One was thrilled with his new stuffed animal. Oops, I had been hoping he would want to be a big boy and start using the toilet. I was totally taken over by alien invaders at that moment. I did not spew green filth or anything but I felt like my body was being taken over by mean lady. The woman who sometimes shows up and snaps for no reason. The woman who suddenly gets annoyed by Little One for asking the same question one too many times. The woman who seems so lovely most of the time and then wham, for about a week once a month, feels overwhelmed, easily agitated and sad for no reason.

Turns out it was hormones. Those little pesky whatever they are that change my body and my mood once a month... at least for now and I can only imagine how alien I will feel when the big Change happens. And this month for the very first time I came to a new realization about hormones.

Whenever people talk about our sinful nature I always feel a bit funny because as a sinner saved by grace I like to think of myself as changed and filled with the Holy Spirit. And while I know I have a sinful nature and see my own depravity quite regularly, the sinful nature thing confused me. I started thinking about the consequences of the fall of Adam and Eve and how Adam would toil the earth and Eve would experience the pain of childbirth, which I have experienced with and without drugs and it is PAINFUL! But the pain of childbirth also includes all those parts of our womanhood that make childbirth possible and that includes those pesky hormones. And I realized that my hormones are one very tangible example of my sinful nature. So I can no longer just chalk up my nastiness to hormones as an excuse. Instead it is a painful reminder of how much I need my Savior; an opportunity to rise above my sinful nature with God's help.

Of course that is easy to write sitting on this side of the month. We'll see how well I am doing in a few weeks. And don't get me started on why I am expected to toil the earth when I have to endure the pain of childbirth.

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