Forgiveness

Last Sunday our pastor was set to preach on forgiveness. But instead, he showed a video that someone passed on to him from CBS News. It is the story of a woman who has truly walked the hard road of forgiveness. You can see the story here. Go on over and watch it if you have not heard the story of Mary and Oshea. It is worth your time.

After showing the clip in church, Mary and Oshea came out and shared more of their story with the congregation. What stuck out to me from their talk was that forgiveness did not come easy for Mary. It was a hard process, a long process. It took work on her part, years of prayer and seeking God's heart for Oshea. And while Mary's forgiveness had nothing really to do with Oshea, she forgave him before she ever knew him personally, it was in Oshea's receiving that forgiveness that the miracle grew. Together they have taught the world something vitally important. Together they have shown the power of Christ's forgiveness and love for His children, no matter what.

Hearing Mary talk about forgiveness I began to think about the long road of forgiveness I have been walking. Some hurts, I have been able to forgive quickly. I don't know why. Maybe because the offense didn't feel directed at me even though it was the spark that started the kindling that was my childhood family on fire. Our family was already brittle and weak, easy to catch flame. We had been drifting apart, unable to really enjoy being in the same room all together. There was drama and competition, rage and manipulation. Life with my childhood family was centered around one person. Her mood, her reaction, her opinions and thoughts were the center of our familial universe. One person at the center was not healthy. And so the spark was easier for me to forgive and move on. I understood it, I think, even though I cannot condone the actions my father took to light the match.

Sometimes it is easier to forgive the big sins. I don't know why. I think partly because my mind cannot really manage the pain and partly because God's grace shows up bigger in those deep pains. I know my quick forgiveness has hurt and probably surprised others. Especially since I seem to be having a much harder time forgiving the events, actions, and words at the center of our family that made us brittle and weak. I am still in process with my mother. I am able to say the words, I choose to forgive, as Mary said on Sunday morning. I am able to choose the words but my heart is still not there. My heart is still not ready to live next door to her. I am still on the road. But I really am not sure I want to take any more steps. I am not sure I really want to walk any further down this road. I am just not there yet. I am hopeful though after listening to Mary tell her story that someday my heart will catch up with my head.

Hopeful and yet reserved. Because life is complicated and I am not sure what would have happened with Mary's story if Oshea had not said yes to meeting her, yes to moving to her community, yes to making a better life for himself.

During the church service we sang a song I had never heard before. Today I heard it again on the radio. It is hauntingly beautiful to me and I wanted to share it with you. This is the group Gungor singing their song "Beautiful Things".

All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us