I Really Live Here

There is a point in time after you move when you look around and suddenly realize, I really live here. It is after the excitement of the new adventure has worn off and after the homesickness has passed. You have met some new friends and figured out how to get to the grocery store, school, Target and the mall without having to look at the map on your phone any longer. Life has become routine. You sit in your kitchen with a cup of coffee and it feels normal. You really live here.

This though is when the real work of moving begins, at least for relational types like me. It is nice to meet new people and find connections but it takes time to develop deep, real relationships. And so I have to keep showing up to small group Bible study, even though I still feel new and know that if I don't come they won't miss me. I have to go up to the group of women I have met and chat casually at school pick up, even though I feel like I'm in middle school again and trying to get a seat at the cool kids table. I have to get to know the parents of the kids in Middle Man's class so I can find someone to have a play date with him because he wants one but he is quiet and quirky and has not made friends on his own. 

People think I make friends easily. It is not that it comes easily to me. I struggle with getting in my car to meet up with a group of women. I get insecure asking for play dates for my boys. I am horrible with names and make a terrible first impression. But eventually, I do make friends and I think it is because I keep showing up. I keep reaching out. 

I am in that place right now. The one where I realize this is now home. But I am still feeling disconnected and a little lost. I realized this week that while I have places to go and things to do, if I didn't show up no one would really miss me. If I dropped out of life, no one would really notice. 

I miss my friends dearly. They would have noticed my absence or a change in my mood. They know me. I would love to meet up at the coffee shop and just be together. Not having to worry about saying the wrong thing or having to explain the whole back story. But this is home. And I know, from experience, that I will be known again. It will just take time. 

And that is why this phase of a move is so hard. There is nothing you can do but wait.