A Heavy Heart

There are days when my heart is heavy. Today is one of those days.

I am tired. Both sleepy tired but also mind tired. We have been busy these last few weeks. I have very little time alone and I need alone time, more than most probably. I have not had time to write much. I am not even sure where I last left off on my book. It almost feels like I am not writing a book and yet there are 50,000 words in a document somewhere that I need to return to.

I am also ever aware of my friend sitting in the hospital with her son, Hockey Boy's dear friend. I am sad and scared and hopeful. I am impatient, waiting for updates, waiting for my son's friend to come home and be able to play again. I am selfish because I need this boy to get better for my own son's sake. I am encouraged by the words my friend is writing on Facebook, knowing that God is drawing her close, holding her tight. I am embarrassed that I do not know how to help; how to comfort, what to write, where to show up in their lives.

This morning I heard a song. I immediately wanted to send it off to my friend who came to mind. But then I heard the words deeper in me.

"These bones cry out..."

I don't want to cry out. I don't want to have a heavy heart.

But I do.

*****

And then I sit down to read another chapter in Isaiah, whatever the next chapter may be. And these words stand out

O LORD, be gracious to us;
we long for you
Be our strength every morning,
our salvation in time of distress.  (Is. 33:2)

Yes Lord - be gracious to us.

*****

Here is the song that woke me this morning.