Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Big Day

So today was another momentous day. Middle Man started kindergarten. Our school has half the class come one day and the other half the next day for orientation. I got to take him to school thankfully because he was starting a little later than the rest of the school. He walked right in, put his backpack away, found his desk, let me take a few pictures and then started working on his seat work. I think I have done something right getting him ready for the transition if my kid is comfortable with me leaving. But there was a little part of me that wished he was more sad to see me go. Tomorrow will be his big first day on the bus. I am not sure which is worse, putting both the boys on the bus for their first day of school all on one day or spreading the separation out. Rip off the bandaid or pull gently? I started to cry as soon as I walked out his classroom door but since the Mommy standing next to me, who had just dropped off her youngest, was holding it together I decided I better. Don't want to be the weeper of the group.

After I dropped off Middle Man it was time for me to go teach the first session of the Women's Fall Bible Study at my church. One of the things I was really looking forward to when we moved home was getting involved with the teaching team at our church. I miss being a high school history teacher. I miss using my brain to study and then develop teaching materials. I love the prep work, the studying, the writing, the planning. But the actual teaching, especially to grown ups, still makes me very nervous. So nervous that I decided to self medicate with not one but two benedryls to help me sleep last night. I know, not good to self medicate. Also If I was more spiritual I would hopefully get my peace from God, but I am still very much human and prone to insomnia the night before big days. And I tired me is much more likely to spout some really embarrassing piece of information like, "I'm wearing granny panties today" than I well rested me. Oh wait, I did let that slip this morning, but just to the woman sitting next to me, and the four rows around us that heard it since my voice is loud and carries. Let's just hope that it does not end up on Facebook.

So it was a big day for me. One I had been preparing and planning for years with Middle Man and months with the Bible Study. Both went fine. No chorus of angels coming down to show how wonderful my parenting or my teaching were. But I think both situations showed me that when I stay focused on what God has for me, I will walk His path, which will lead me where I really do want to be. In His Hands.

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