I got an email from a friend today checking in on me. She wrote that I have been eerily silent, no blog posts or emails. I like that phrase eerily silent. Thought I am not happy with the silence. I am not happy that I have let my life get away from me, me queen of saying no, queen of the boundaries. Not only has my schedule gotten the better of me, but the grey, wet days up here in the Pacific Northwest have beaten me down. I am finding that I don't have anything nice to say, so as Thumper's mom says, I'm not saying anything at all.
And yet, by not sitting down with my laptop to write, I am not giving my mind space to stretch. I have not been giving myself space to be with my own thoughts. I have been avoiding my thoughts and I am not really sure why. They are not dark. They are not harsh. They are not even confusing. Mostly though I think I am very aware that I don't really have any deep thoughts worth turning over in my mind and on my computer screen.
It is my own fault. In this grey, dreary time of year I find myself canceling workouts and turning to coffee to get me through the afternoon. It is so wet outside that I turn on the tv to comfort shows instead of getting out and seeing people or visiting the library for a new book. And when my schedule gets busy, I find myself procrastinating everything for no reason at all. Some people thrive on activity and busyness. I apparently shut down a bit. Not really a good trait when there are things to be accomplished.
So I am going to try to make time for myself to read, time for myself to think, and time for myself to write. I know with things that are coming up in my life, I will certainly have things to process and writing is a great way for me to figure things out.