I have been quiet lately. Not just here but in other places in my life. I have been sick. I have been tired. I am a wee bit stressed by the impending move and the weight of home ownership again. But mostly, I have been quiet because I am not ready to share. I'm not even sure I will have anything to share, but right now my mind is bogged down by flickering thoughts and feelings that I am trying to untangle.
Amidst all of this, I have remembered that I am flight. As in, when faced with danger, when facing conflict, my fight or flight response is to fly.
I shut down.
I cut off.
And the scariest part is that when I do this with relationships, the other person may never know except for that weird awkward feeling they may have that something is off.
In truth, I may not realize how far down the path I am until I look back and realize I am no longer attached emotionally to the other person.
Flight keeps me out of battle. It keeps me from yelling or using hurtful words. But I am beginning to wonder if it does just as much harm.
And so I will choose to fight with the people I love. I will choose to speak, to say what I'm thinking or feeling. I will choose to stay in the room even when my body is itching to walk away.
I will try at least.
Are you fight? Or flight?