Lately I have been having conversation after conversation with parents that all seem to focus on the shared struggle of how to provide the best for our kids. We all want our kids to be successful and when we hear they are struggling in any way we want to fix it. I want to pull out the tool kit and get to work on the problem.
Does he need to practice more? Does he need a break?
Does he need a tutor?
Why doesn't the teacher get it? Does the teacher get it?
Am I the problem?
Is the teacher, the coach, the adult telling me my kid is not enough the problem?
Is my child the problem?
There is so much stress involved in parenting, especially in this area where every possible resource is available to my kids. Enrichments, tutoring, coaching, specialists galore. And even more opinions on what my kid needs.
But here's the thing. My kid is not a summary of their weaknesses. They are not defined by their "problems". No my kids are children of God, knit together in their mother's womb, beautiful craftsmanship of a loving Father. And so are your children.
And the thing about being uniquely and wonderfully made is that my kid will not always fit into the mold. My kid will sometimes stand out. My kid will sometimes need more assistance. My kid may need some intervention.
But what I am learning is that more often than not what my kid needs is time. Time to learn. Time to mature. Time to figure things out. Time to hear my words, process them, and heed them.
Patience is a virtue. Not just in standing in lines at Disneyland.
Patience can solve so many of our problems. If we just gave them enough time to work themselves out.
But when it comes to our kids, and their problems, it is hard to let time work. It is hard to let time heal those wounds.
Oh but when I do, when I let the system run its course, when I let my child breathe and have space to grow, when I take a step back and focus not on the here and now but on the future, when I put down my tools and let my kids choose their own, growth happens.
I am constantly reevaluating the choices I make for my kids. Should Hockey Boy take more ice skating clinics? Should Middle Man spend more time working on socializing? Should I be teaching Little One to read? (Little One has explained to me that his kindergarten teacher is teaching him so I don't have to.)
Maybe what I should be evaluating is am I being patient enough to let my kids grow strong roots and sturdy trunks, ones that don't need me to forever stake them to the ground so they don't fall over.
Do you struggle with when to intervene?