On Wednesdays, I will be posting thoughts on faith, specifically my faith and my walk with God. I am a Christian, a follower of Jesus, born again, born anew, a child of God, a believer, a Protestant, a disciple of Christ. All that I am, all that I do, starts from that identity - my relationship with God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit, three in one, one in me.
And most days, I believe deeply. I walk through life with God ever present. I am not sure I can explain it, but I just know He is with me. I read the Bible and something jumps from the pages or simple rings true in my ears. I walk outside and feel the wind on my face and know the earth, all of nature is moving and dancing for its creator. I spend time with friends and I feel a nudge to give a hug or to stop talking and listen more. I look at my children and am amazed at my powerful love for them and see God's powerful love for me, His child. I have conversations with Him in my head, silent prayers throughout my day and know I've been heard.
But then there are days, even weeks, and once months, where I do not feel God. This usually is because I have strayed away, I have stopped spending time reading His words to me or have allowed myself to spend more time churning ugly thoughts through my mind than kind ones. Sometimes, I walk away from His presence.
But there are also those times when I am doing all the right things. I am reading the Bible. I am going to church. I am singing the worship songs and praying out to God to hear me and answer me. I am walking the walk but I don't feel it. I don't feel Him.
I don't know why He sometimes chooses silence to speak to me.
It is the silence though that forces my faith to stop being about me, to stop being about what I feel, what I experience. The silence requires me to ask a tough question - without the feeling of God, do I still believe? Without God's hand felt firmly on my life, do I still believe He is real?
It is in the silence that I freely say I do believe.
And there is comfort in knowing that my belief is not based on good feelings or experiences. There is peace in knowing I believe regardless of what God does for me. I don't know why but it makes me feel safer with God, not less safe.
How has God let you know He is real?