Wednesday, November 7, 2012

WednesDAY of Faith - I'm Not Happy With God

UPDATED: This post was actually written last week for today. I did not consider that today would be the day after the Election. This post has nothing to do with yesterday. Nothing.


I'm not happy with God right now. He knows why. I would tell you but it really is between him and I and the details would make me seem small and petty I am sure.

Nothing big or dramatic happened. I'm just a bit frustrated, no angry is a better word. I am a bit angry right now at God. Or a lot angry. 

In the past, I would have been scared to say those words out loud, to admit that I am angry with God. Because in the past, I did not think it was okay to question God or His plans. I thought that faith was accepting what God ordains without question. Faith was admitting that God knows best and He is working all together for our good even when we do not see it. I thought that faith required me to do these things without emotion, to accept blindly without question or even disappointment.

But here's the thing I have learned about God. He is BIG. He is STRONG. He can handle my pain, my disappointment, my anger. Not only that but my faith can handle it. I am strong enough to be angry or hurt and acknowledge those feelings without losing my faith altogether.

It's new. This willingness to go before God and tell him how mad I am that something happened or something else did not. It felt foreign the first time I really opened up and said out loud how frustrated I was with God. But it felt right.

Turns out I have kept God out of a corner of my heart because I refused to access those feelings myself.

I do believe that God's plans are best. I do believe that He does work things together for good. I do believe that He is sovereign, in control. But that doesn't mean I like it.

I hate watching my friend's son continue to be sick.

I hate watching my son's friend lose his mom to cancer.

I get angry when things are so easy for some and so hard for me.

I get hurt when it feels like I am working and striving toward nothing.

Hate. Anger. Hurt.

Emotions that do not change the truth. 

So I am not happy with God right now. But I am right with Him because I am finally telling him the truth about how I feel.

God, I am sad and bewildered by the pain I see.

But I trust you.

I am jealous of your blessings on others.

But I trust you.

I'm hurt and I am angry with you God.

But I trust you. 

Are you able to trust God with your feelings toward Him? 

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