It Will Be Mine

I haven't sat down to write in a long time.

The holidays were too busy.

The kids were still home for a week after the holidays.

I needed to recuperate from all the togetherness once the holidays were over and everyone was back at school and work.

Mostly though, I don't want to write. I am too tired.

I would say I have nothing to say but the truth is I have been thinking... a lot. But I really don't want to share. I don't even want to think. I don't want to confront the things that make me sad or frustrated or wounded or wondering what I need to do better.

So many things I wonder.

Should I even have a blog. There are so many better writers out there. People I read and share and retweet. People who are better at writing. Better at connecting with readers. Better at encouraging moms with an inspiring story or a funny story of learning from failure. Better at analyzing issues of faith. People who are simply better.

Not that I have to be better to write. Not that I have to be better to blog. But I wonder sometimes if I am just adding to the noise.

I wonder that especially when I am trying to stay on a schedule. When I am writing to a specific audience or a specific topic. When I try to grow this blog, when I try to follow the blogging rules, I end up feeling false.

But if I am not blogging with intention, if I am writing only for myself, what is the point in pushing publish? Why put it out for the world to see? Is there value in it?

I really don't know.

I know I will write again. I know I will hit publish again. I like this little place of mine.

When I let it be mine...

So I am done with expectations.

I am done with schedules.

I am done with branding.

I will post when I have something worthwhile to say.

Or not worthwhile.

But it will be mine.

So if you want to know my ramblings, check back or follow me on Twitter or Facebook where I will link my posts.

If there is something you want me to write about, let me know that as well.

I do have stories to share. I do learn from others so am happy to share what I have learned.