Fear has been a big part of my life this last year. Fear of loss. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the new.
It feels like I am often living in fear right now.
I don't fear the big things necessarily. I trust God. But the little things, the going to coffee with new acquaintances bring out the fear. Fear of not being liked. The little things of making phone calls or contacting teachers and fearing they might see me as a helicopter mom which I am really not. Fear of speaking up, saying the truth, to the people that have the power to hurt you the most.
These are the things that I am afraid of. Little things but real things that I have to do. Except I don't really. I can hole up in my home, it's a beautiful home that is cozy and comfortable. I don't have to get to know people. My kids take a bus. I don't have to interact with the school. I can keep silent. I don't have to say anything. The silence only hurts myself and it may be a cost I am willing to pay.
I was texting with a friend about making new friends last week.
My friend is right. Courage is moving forward in spite of the fear. I know I have heard similar things before, but it was seeing those words, at that moment, from a friend that knows me well, that dug those words in deep.
And here's the thing... if I didn't reach out I never would have gotten to know this friend. My life would be less full without her.
So the risks, maybe they are worth it.
I'm still not going to try skiing again. Someone needs to sit in the lodge holding the snacks and getting a good table for lunch.
What risk are you avoiding right now? What fear are you facing?