I was not a fan of 2013.
For me, it was a year of letting go of dreams, or at least of being disappointed that the dreams I had were not going to come true in the time and format I wanted.
2012... that was a great year. We bought a place in the town we loved in California. I finished my first novel. I was teaching again and getting lots of encouraging feedback. It felt like my year, our year. But it ended with disappointing news from my husband's company - news that derailed our 2013 and changed the course of our lives.
2013 came with rejections and unemployment checks. It started with so many scary unknowns and ended with being unknown. Not that it was all bad. But it was hard to live through. It was hard to say goodbye. It was hard being so discouraged about my writing. It was hard being new. It was hard feeling alone, feeling lost, feeling like a failure.
I want to be one of the hopeful ones, the ones that claim the new year will be positive, full of promise. And truth is that I am an optimist. I know that moving and creating a new life and new friendships takes time. I know that I am really am blessed beyond measure. But I get scared too. I worry that maybe this time it won't happen. Maybe this time will be different and not in a good way. I worry that maybe things are turning darker, that maybe I am growing more distant, more isolated, more alone. I worry that I used up all my energy to get here, that I don't have much positivity left.
Today though, I am going to hope on new things because the alternative is too much. I am not ready to give up being an optimist yet.
So 2014 I have high hopes for you. Or at least I have hope for you.