Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Do Over

Today I really wanted a do over. Nothing tragic or traumatic happened but I am tired. Because I stayed up way too late. Because my husband is traveling. Which means I am a single mom this week. Which means I can't afford to be tired. But do I make the mature decision and go to bed at a decent time? Nope. Because like I said, my husband is traveling. And I have a hard time going to sleep when he is gone. No matter how tired I am. Vicious cycle it seems. Which all results in me being less patient in meetings when people want to replan what we have already planned. It results in me not being able to effectively do my part and others having to come in and help me. It makes me emotional and sad and feeling alone. Which really is sad considering what a great life I really do have. What fun and amazing friends I get to spend time with each week. My kids are at great ages and really fun, when they are not screaming or totally ignoring me. But overall I have a great life. But today I just wanted a do over. I felt bad about letting my frustration get the better of me. I felt bad about not doing a good job, not caring for my charges better. I felt bad for no reason at times. And I hate that. I hate it when I let myself get all emotional about nothing. And that is what happens when I get tired. So I would like a do over. Not of the day, but of the night before the day. When I should have turned off the computer, stopped watching the tv show, not started trying to figure out circular knitting, and definitely not started a book at 10:45pm. I should know better. I do know better. And yet, tonight will I do better. I doubt it. I hate it when my husband travels because left to my own devices I act like a teenager but in the morning I have to be a mom.


  1. I have "do over" days, too... we call them "ditch days" here (when you just want to ditch it all--- the responsibilities). Do better tonight, my friend. You can. But, only with the help of the One who can help in even this. He wants to help you do what you intend to do... to do what is best for you. Yu are not alone in this vicious cycle--- it may look different in my life, but the cycle is the same. He wants to break it in my life, too--- and He is! You too.
    Thanks for your honesty and your vulnerability in this post--- much, much appreciated.

  2. I did make it to sleep before 11 last night which is early for me when hubby is traveling. Though I think I have found a little cold somewhere along the way this week which is kicking my behind this morning.
    Funny enough our Bible Study yesterday which I felt I did not do a good job leading was all about God establishing us and giving us the strength, tools and power to do His work. I know this to be true, but then I sometimes get in the way by not taking care of myself physically.