Sunday, May 23, 2010

Dreaming Big

I heard a great sermon this morning from Ephesians 3:20-21 which says,
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen

The pastor, who has seen the darkest parts of humanity, talked about the importance of dreaming big because we have a BIG God who as the verse says can do so much more than we would ever think to imagine. We cannot do the pastor said until we have a vision, a goal, a plan but that is based on a great imagination not based as we so often do on our limitations. But that we also have to make sure that our goal, our task is firmly leaning on the wall of Jesus Christ because that is why we are here, to glorify God.

I loved his sermon. It not only challenged me but also encouraged me. As I wrote last week I have been wondering whether this is how I should be using my time and if I really have something to say. I was discouraged for a lot of reasons. But I did not start this blog to just yap at people and fill the internet with nonsense, though I do that at times. I really did start this blog to share what I was learning about who God is and also what it means to be a mom who is trying to grow in my faith, become a better a parent and not lose my mind in the process. I love to read other people's blogs and get so encouraged by what they write about their struggles and what God is doing in their lives. And I felt like I should do the same. I love studying. I love writing. I feel productive and engaged when I sit at my computer. I love to learn new things and if I read something really great I want to pass it on. That is who I am, who God made me to be.

So why do I feel embarrassed to talk about writing a blog? I don't want others to think I see myself as better than I am. That is why I loved what the pastor said today about dreaming big. I often feel like I should not dream big, like it is a pride issue to dream big. I don't want to be seen as thinking I have all the answers or that I think it is my way or the highway. So I struggle with whether I should even share my vision, my big dream, to bring more people into Bible Study. I struggle with thinking I might be able to teach on a topic or develop something to share with other women because by thinking that am I trying to raise myself up? I am sure there are so many more people that can talk on that topic or share something far grander than what I might have to say.

I don't want to stand out in the crowd as the arrogant fool, the hypocrite or the know it all. Because I am NOT! I know that deeply within me that I am damaged goods. But I also know that my damage does not define me or define the work that God can do through me. I don't want to drag people down a road to knowing God better, more deeply because I am perfect in that myself. No, I want to walk down that road of learning more about who God is every day with those around me. I want to be challenged to grow more, read more, serve more, pray more. I want to be able to share what I am learning, struggle with hard concepts with those around me, and celebrate other people's triumphs. I want to be a part of a community that is really trying hard to figure out what it means to be a devoted follower of Christ in our cushy part of the world.

I do have a big dream. A huge dream. And it is this. I want to see the women at my church read through the Bible together next year. I want us to do it together because it is hard to do alone. We need encouragement and accountability. I want to do this because I am doing it with a small group of friends and it is providing context and insights for each of us as we see the WHOLE picture. I want to do this because I want each woman to feel empowered to read God's word and meet Him in it every day. I want to do this because the simple act of doing it will bring such joy to God.

So that is my huge dream. And already I want to discount it and dismiss it. I want to make is smaller or push it off into the distance. But the thing is, that God really can do immeasurably more than we could ever imagine. So why do we continue to limit Him?

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