Monday, May 17, 2010

Where have I been?

It has been a while since I last blogged. There are a few good excuses I can give:

1) Mothers Day, as I wrote last year, can be hard for me and leaves me a bit emotionally drained. True. Though this year was easier. Not at all emotional, though still not as full of joy as it should be when I have three amazing boys loving on me. Or more importantly, spending time with Daddy so Mommy can do what she loves which is lie in bed with a good book before spending the evening introducing them to the joys of the Sound of Music.

2) I ended up doing two short speaking things last week at church. Nothing big, involving lots of preparation but still draining. I think I am realizing the weight of responsibility for being a teacher. Not sure why I am feeling this now but think it may have something to do with #3.

3) I started out pretty confident with my blog and teaching. I felt like I had a unique voice and perspective to share. But lately I have been wondering if I really do have something worth saying and even if it is worth saying, should I be the one writing. There are so many amazing mommy bloggers out there and also some amazing Christian devotional style blogs. I have a friend who writes amazing posts that really challenge me. I like to be challenged. I like to think beyond myself and my experience. Most of the time. And then every once in a while something hits a little too close to home. And what has hit home this past week is my pride, my thinking I have something worth writing for the whole world to see. I still think somewhere deep inside I am meant to write my thoughts. But I don't know. I also wonder if by posting this I am just cluttering the internet. But then I also wonder if I am meant to write, if only for myself, and that what is holding me back is a lack of confidence, a lack of pride. A real deep understanding of my failings and inabilities.

So I am not sure what to do. But I felt compelled to write. And I hate saying that because there are so many people out there who feel compelled to share THE truth. And I don't want to be one of those loud, discordant voices that shouts about my accomplishments and my knowledge of exactly what God is saying to everyone around me. That has never been my agenda. I just want to share what is going on in my head. I want to share what I am learning. I want to be a part of meaningful conversations around the internet and within my community. I want to challenge and be challenged. But from a place of love and hope and a genuine joy in seeing myself and those around me grow.


  1. I can happily assure you that it's impossible to clutter the internet. :)

    But even if it were, if you want to write then write. I think it's possible to get hung up on the idea that we need to have something really profound or huge or life changing, or even challenging to give to people. I've been toying with the thought that I don't have to have arrived already - the process is soooo valuable - everything that's happening now is going to be built on in the future. I don't have to be there - I have to practice, to explore, to learn, to be on my way. In everything - pictures, sewing, loving the unlovable, knowing God, loving God - everything.

    The journey - and the commonality we experience by knowing each other's journeys - is what's so valuable - and inspiring to others journeying along.

    Nothing you don't already know and feel. But write, for goodness sake write.

    (sorry, was that over the top?)

  2. Thanks Sarah. You are so right about sharing the journey, the process. These posts help me remember the building blocks of my life.