Alone

So last weekend after the girls left to go home, I stayed one extra night at the beach house. I have been wanting to get away for a little alone time for a while and it worked out that the rental had a rent two nights get a third night free deal going on that weekend. I had really been looking forward to a weekend with the girls but as an introvert, yes I know that is hard to believe but actually true, I was really looking forward to a night to myself at the end.

I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed being with these women over the weekend. I had thought that at some point I would be ready for them to leave but I really was not. I wanted them to stay, I wanted to continue to enjoy their company. I was having a great time and hated to see them go home. But they did. They drove off around 7pm and I stayed behind.

In an empty house.

All by myself.

Alone.

I was surprised by the funny butterfly feeling I got in my stomach as they drove away. I was not scared to be alone. I was simply not sure what to do with myself, all by myself. I have not spent a night away from my boys or all alone in years. I did not have any great plans for the evening. A little leftover pizza, some cake and junk food, watching a little tv and maybe reading my book. Nothing exciting. This was not a spiritual retreat or a cleanse. This was not me trying to figure something out or taking the time to work on a project. This was just me spending an extra night alone to rest and maybe recuperate a little after a long but great weekend with friends.

I was doing what I would do at home on a Sunday evening. I talked on the phone with my husband for a bit, I surfed channels until I found House Hunters International, I read a little bit in my book, I stayed up later than I planned. The only difference was that the next morning nothing but my own body woke me up. The first noise I heard was not any one of my little boys' voices. My boys were not there. I was alone.

And for some reason, the fact that I stayed alone, by myself, at the beach felt like a huge accomplishment. I thought about packing up a few times in the evening. I missed my family. I felt guilty that my husband had to work from home and deal with our Monday morning schedule all alone. I didn't really need a night alone. I already had so much fun I didn't need to stay an extra night. I didn't deserve to stay an extra night.

But I didn't give in to the many voices in my head because for some reason I knew it was important that I stay. I don't know why it was important. I just know that it was.

I stayed behind.

In an empty house.

By myself. Alone.

I can't wait to do it again!