Other times, the real truth is maybe we are not wanted. An accidental baby, an annoying little sister, a new member of a small group that didn't want new members, the person who got the job but wasn't everyone's first choice, the missionary wanting to spread God's word, the world changer demanding justice for the oppressed, the friend invited by another friend, the daughter in law who isn't what she imagined.
Sometimes we are wanted but we don't feel it. Insecurity likes to sneak up on us. But some times we really are not wanted. Not necessarily for evil reasons. We all like the status quo and new people change things. But usually over time, we see these new people, these changes at blessings. That in between time though is hard, that time when we know we are unwanted and haven't found our place yet.
The truth is that I am not always wanted and it isn't just my insecurity talking. And then I am faced with the decision, what to do?
Do you stick around? Do you hope time will fix things? Do you leave?
In most situations, I know to wait it out. I know that I don't make great first impressions and that it takes time to love me. And in most situations, we need to earn our way into trust and relationship. We need top put in the time feeling awkward.
But somedays, I just don't want to have to wait, to have to push through my insecurities and push my way into the room. That's why I don't think I would make a good missionary. I don't want to earn my way. I don't want to grow on you. That is a burden I don't want to bear.
I want to be liked, to be given the benefit of the doubt up front, to be shown grace. I want people to get to know the real me before they decide they don't like me. I want to be included because I am in the room. I want to be wanted.
I want to give the people around me a note, like we did in elementary school that asks the simple question with two simple answers as options and have them circle their answer.
Do you like me?
Well do you?
No, seriously, do you?
(And there's the great thing about a blog. I don't know if you don't like me. I don't really know if you do either but I'm better with that than with knowing someone doesn't like me.)