I do Twitter. I tweet rarely, mostly I read other ingenious people's tweets. I especially like the funny ones, Conan O'Brien, Mindy Kaling, and some Canadian dude #sween who cracks me up with his 140 characters. I have noticed that when something goes really wrong in someone's life they end their tweet with #totalfail. If you click on that there is a long, long, long list of failures written in 140 characters or less.
I write all that to say that my parenting of late has felt like a #totalfail. Here are a few what would have been my recent #totalfail tweets, if I were the type to display my failure for the world to see:
#Took boys to play at friend's house. Little One was out of control. He destroyed a shovel, bucket and threw a freshly picked cucumber. I was horrified and embarrassed. My kid was THAT kid.
#Spent the afternoon yelling at my boys to BE QUIET.
#Served the kids ritz bits and oreos for lunch. All the other moms had fruits and veggies packed for their kids.
#How can one little 3 year old make me so angry I literally (and I mean literally) want to smack him?
#Not sure if I am helping the feminist movement by telling my boy that he is crying like a little girl. In truth he is crying like the drama queen that he is this week.
#Since my kids did not get to watch tv or play video games on school days, I can use all those saved up hours over the summer, right? 178 days - Fridays because I let them watch/play Fridays x 1.5 hours because they did watch one show before bed = me not having to get out of bed so early in the morning.
#Did I mention I have become one of those screeching moms who cannot control her kids?
#I am thinking that standing up might be a necessary part of good parenting. Now I have to decide which is more important, sitting or parenting? Really tough choice right now.
#Sunburn and skin cancer now or sunscreen caused tumors and cancer down the road? Do I really have to choose between these two bad options.
#I think I may have just given Middle Man permission to hit Little One back when I told him to never hit Little One first.
#If I use humor will it deflect from the very real fact that my kids are too loud, too rowdy, not listening to me at all and basically out of control at times.
#All those parenting tips and techniques may work for a time, but the truth is the kids will find a way around your defenses. Or maybe I just have not read the right book yet?