Thursday, February 18, 2010

Unpost

I really want to delete the last two blog posts I wrote. I don't like to be defined by my history. Nor do I want to be the whiny, emotional girl on the web. I don't mind being honest about my struggles, at least the struggles I can control or that start and end with me. But I really hate feeling like a little girl at the mercy of the grown ups in my life. I want to pull down what I wrote for a lot of reasons. What if they read it? Am I being too mean? Will people think I am weak or attention seeking? It would be so much easier to delete the post, I know because I have done that before. Not this time. I don't know why, but I feel like I need to leave it there, even as it makes me very uncomfortable. Because I know that I cannot be the only one struggling to deal with family issues in a way that pleases my true, Heavenly Father.
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2 comments:

  1. TonyaFebruary 18, 2010 at 4:47 PM

    Jen, blogs are an interesting medium. On the one hand they're personal reflections about life happenings; on the other, we post them on the net for the world to see. There are times I've written a post, and saved it to be deleted at a later, less frustrated time, or because I felt that it wasn't something I wanted to explain. My take on your post is that your feelings are your feelings. Period. You have the right to them, and to lay them out there. Don't feel the need to explain.

    As with the struggles with parents/family/etc., we all have them. I know that I struggle with being a child of my parents wanting to see things the way I remember them from childhood, yet I'm an adult who has different perspectives. One time, during a disagreement (because we do disagree, although not often) I informed my parents that I am both the best and the worst of who they are. They taught me example, and then sent me out in the world to learn how to disagree with all that stuff.

    Keep your chin up. Live. Laugh. Love. Pray. In the end, you and God are the only ones you have to answer to. :)

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  2. UnknownFebruary 21, 2010 at 9:53 PM

    Thanks Tonya for the encouragement. I hate feeling guilty but also want to be honest about my feelings. But I don't want to hurt anyone but I think my struggle with defining family will ring true for someone else. But... but... but... Conflicted but at peace. Really appreciate your comments!!!

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